New life. Old emotions. do i? Don’t i?

Just a short one today as im extremely tired. I had barely any sleep last night. the reason for this is because my sister and brother-in-law were having a baby. At just after 4am (and after a lot of complications) my sister gave birth to baby Merlin James Hodson. so proud of them both for their achievement. I went to see the new family today, and Merlin is the most beautiful thing i have ever seen. I reckon he’s going to be a right charachter! The parents are both shattered, but so proud. they’re all doing so well, so well i feel like putting a smiley face :-).

so, good news out of the way, and onto my thoughts.

Firstly, im a bit worried that after all this excitement and going to get worse than i have been. I mean, it happened after christmas. all that build up, and then the lull afterwards i think might have sent me over the edge. We’ll see, i’ll just have to try and make every day as exciting as becoming an uncle for the first time. HA! that wont happen.

I’ve also been thinking about watching a film that scares the life out of me. This film is Donnie Darko. It’s a great film. i think its a great film because of the way it stirs up my emotions. The reason this film scares the life out of me is because i worry so much that i am going to get worse and worse and worse, and i’ll end up like Donnie Darko. I mean, parts of my illness are directly in line with this, and these things i dont discuss with anyone, but it does show me that my illness can lead to quite drastic conditions. I want to watch it so much as well because i used to see the same thing as Donnie Darko saw in the film. in fact, i got a tattoo of this illusion to try and remind me its not real, and actually its just pretend, fictional, a figment of my imagination. I think I will watch it sooner rather than later, just to test my self, test that bit of my mind i cant control, and see how it reacts. What do you people think?

I’ll probably write more on here tomorrow (or maybe not because family is over).

Time for bed methinks!


2 thoughts on “New life. Old emotions. do i? Don’t i?

  1. Hey there. I have had to research Donnie Darko to understand your references. I’ll have to put it on my watch list. It must be really scary imagining that you are going to spiral down in that way. Films like this are designed to express the worst…these are rare occurrences, and could well be completely fabricated, however much you can relate to it. But you are forgetting something….you now have Merlin have on your side…how lucky are you (and how lucky is he). The day you become an uncle (or aunt in my case) is great, but the best is yet to come. You get to do all the fun stuff, get him super excited and send him home, be his confidante when he is older. Your sister is also going to need lots of support. Rather than the excitement being over, it’s only just begun 😉


    1. Thank you, this is a really nice message to read. I also think yes, Donnie Darko is one to watch. I look beyond the main story and focus on personality in the film, which makes me it quite impacting. hope i havent spoiled the movie, but yes, its good. Thank you for reading my blog 🙂


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