time for change? i think so!

Right! I’ve decided that i’ve spent too long moaning about my illness. I doubt it’s helping me, and i’m sure it gets me down to write stuff about it. Time to talk about some other stuff. however, there will still be references to my illness.

Yesterday i posted that i didn’t trust any food, shop bought or whatever, i didn’t want to eat it. well, today i got over that. its stupid! why on earth would shop bought food be contaminated by someone trying to harm me. so i’ve been eating today. HOORAY!

I’ve got a few things to talk about today. i did what i did yesterday, and i wrote stuff down so wouldn’t forget stuff. so, here goes, a more positive blog than you’ve heard from me in a while.

i do believe it’s probably time to change for me. i need to figure out a way of getting better. today Mr X text me and hes going to get an appointment sorted for me for next week. i think when we meet up i’ll discuss some sort of action plan. I’m useless at sticking to things, so maybe he will have remembered something that i haven’t, and we’ll get me back up and running again. one thing that i thought of today was singing. I’ve got a bit of a talent for singing (not bragging!) and i think maybe i could find a way of starting this up again. i do however want to start singing somewhere new, or doing something at home perhaps, like, recording myself singing while playing piano, something like that. sounds good in my head, but will it work in practice?! I just need to get into activities where i can interact as well. even though i sometimes find public company the most frightening, or annoying thing in the world, i need to put myself into that situation. again, i’m not good at getting myself into these groups and stuff. i usually have to do something with a friend. i need company, like i do when i’m really not very well. Well, we’ll see what the future brings.

This weekend ive got the chance of redeeming myself as a human being. it’s one of my friends birthday, and i’ve been invited (sort of) to go out to the pub to celebrate. its a big occasion for him because of recent going-ons in his family, so i really should go, not just for moral support, but because he’s my friend (and i don’t have many of those). This will be a challenge for me. i haven’t done this very much since i was ill. i went out once, but that was an early night. so i’m very anxious about what will happen on the night. i’m unsure whether i should drink or not. i don’t want to mess up my medication (it hasn’t really before), i also think being sober might help. But hey! getting plastered might help me even more! might just forget about stuff. We’ll see, and i’ll let you all know i’m sure!

one other thing that’s really bugging me is how friends interact with each other, because i feel like i’m getting it wrong. I watch these T.V sitcoms and i wonder, ‘is that how people do things?’ i’m talking about the shows ‘Friends, How i met your mother and big bang theory’. they are all close knit friends, who always hang out at peoples apartments, or are always doing something together. is this the case? do people live their lives like this? as good as it is to watch….does it actually happen? if it does happen, im doing something very very wrong!

anyways, that was more positive i feel. lets see if i can keep this up for tomorrow. but as i’m sure i will be moaning more if i cant get any better.

tatty bye!

2 thoughts on “time for change? i think so!

  1. I’m so glad you’re eating! And hopefully it’s a good sign that logic beat the voice telling you otherwise about food?
    There seem to be lots of community choirs about, they could be worth investigating, should be a friendly bunch?
    And in my experience, reality is nothing like any of those programmes. Adults just don’t live across the hall like they all do. And I’d go insane if my friends were forever popping round, I need my space!


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