sadness, singing and fishiness!

Right, well i didnt write anything yesterday because i decided spur of the moment that i wanted to go sea fishing, so thats what i did. I feel bad when i dont write anything because i want to keep a blog of every day. not only do other people read this, but i read it back to myself, and i judge my day on what i have written. i find it helps me, and has helped me manage my issues. anyway lets recap the last two days!

My unusual experiences have all but gone now. fingers crossed they dont come back, i really don’t like them, and they can stay away forever as far as im concerned. thats not who i want to be. anything that has been around ive managed quite well. tried to take my mind off of things, by doing something else, something productive, i stop myself thinking strangely, or behaving strangely, hense the random fishing trip yesterday. One thing i have been feeling is sad. quite sad. my life was supposed to be so different to what it actually is right now. i had this vision when i was a kid that by now i would have a family, a wife, a kid or two, but alas this hasnt happened. i havent even got a girlfriend. infact im far from it. im a mess at the moment and i dont want anyone to have anything to do with me. this isnt a nice feeling, but i dont want someone else burdened with my issues. i think the only way around that would be to find someone as messed up with me. i imagine they would be perfect for me. We’ll see. i dont like saying the word, but i’m depressed. boooo!

today i had a meeting with Mr X. We just  had a chat about my medication, life, and some other gruesome side effects to my medication. so i told him i think that my medication is working. slowly but surely i can feel myself getting better. i think it shows in what i write that i am getting better as well. we’re going to stay on the same medication for a while and then i’ll think about changing my meds. It’s not nice when your therapist mentions the fact you’ve gained weight, well it didnt feel nice for me. but we are looking in the future to go onto a different medication which will stop this side effect. We talked about my blog a little bit as well. we both decided it was a good thing, so i shall keep on keeping on with the blog! We also talked about how good my work is when it comes to me being ill. They dont mind how much time im taking off, they only care that i get better. they dont bother me at all. I think this is one massive plus of working for a major corporation.

so i’ve thought of a hobby for me to start. some of you may or may not know that i am quite a good singer (i dont often say good things about myself, but i really am quite good!). i’m thinking about starting to record my singing, properly recording it, and then putting a backing to it in the hope of posting it on facebook for others to listen to. I also would love to hear me singing on a cd. i love singing and its something i really want to do, but i get too anxious going out, being committed to a choir or a group, i feel like it becomes a chore, and then it becomes quite arduous. i dont want this, so i think ive found the perfect way to get around this. fingers crossed i can get this up an running. i might even share a bit of singing with all you lot!

anyway, im now going to talk to someone about it and see where i can go.


4 thoughts on “sadness, singing and fishiness!

  1. You sound so much better (: I hope everything works put for you, with the medication as well! I used to go fishing but in all the years I never caught a fish haha hope you had better luck


  2. Singing and sea fishing, sounds like things are on the up for you 🙂 And being able to read back over your posts and see how far you’ve come has to help. The girlfriend will appear at the right time, don’t you worry.


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