Anxiously planning.

right, i didn’t live up to what i wrote the other day and i didn’t post on here the day after, so i am sorry. I will make up for it today though by writing. i’ve just sat at the computer with no idea what to write, no plan, i’m just going to write and see what i write, so here goes.

Talked to work the other day and now i know i’m going into work tomorrow just to sort some stuff out. my old boss is going to be in the meeting with me. i really like my old bass, he is extremely understanding and caring. who else can vouch that from their manager? i’m sure not many people can. i don’t really know my new boss as well, so its a bit of security for her to have him there. im sure she’s lovely too, but we both just need that other person there for back up. i’m a bit nervous about going back to work as well, i mean, why wouldn’t i. its only been two months since i was last there so not as long as last time (4 months), i don’t know where they’ll start me off. i’m hoping for a phased return to work so im not jumping back in at the deep end. i doubt they would do that to me. We’ll see!

I’ve still had no word from my psychiatrist. he must be busy because he was supposed to call a couple of weeks ago and he hasn’t. I feel it might be that they are slacking a little bit as well. i’m still fragile and i still need help. i need his advise on going to back to work. i need some reassurance, and positive words or something like that, just to get me in the mood to go back to work, but alas, i haven’t had this. i’ll just have to keep on waiting. I’ll explain to work that i will need time off to see Mr X when he eventually calls. i don’t want to call him just in case they really are busy, or he might be ill! i just don’t know, so i wont do anything.

Im also going to go back home at the beginning of next week. That will be interesting. i haven’t spent this long away from home so i wonder what the lads will think of my return. again, i’ll see how that all pans out. i have given some more thought to moving out and i think its probably going to happen, not straight away, but it will happen eventually. i cant cope on my own so far away from the security of my family. It’s a vague plan into my future though, and i suppose that’s a good thing. just talking to my housemates about it is a bit nerve racking. i hope they’ll see the reason for me wanting to leave. good luck me!

Now i am doing something i haven’t done in a long time. i’ve put some music on loud in the house, just relaxing while people aren’t here. i’ve felt a little uncomfortable recently because of my grandad, he’s got a big personality and it doesn’t really fir well with me in the state i’m in. i mean, i’m better than i was but it still makes me anxious. hopefully my return to work will make me a little more comfortable. there are some nice people at work and i’m hoping they’ll make me feel welcome. fingers crossed.

anyways, im off now. i really will try and write something on here tomorrow (unless i’m out livin it up!).


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