so, i’ve had the week off work this week. i haven’t been ill, i’ve just had use all of my holiday before the end of June. its quite nice because in two months i’ve got four weeks off. anyway, i’ve not been doing much so far this week, however my new next few days are quite busy. this worries me a little bit because i’m seeing a lot of people in such a small space of time. i have anxiety in strong bouts at the moment and this is really going to be a test of this. So today all i’ve been doing is worrying about this, and i’ll run you by it all.
Tomorrow. Tomorrow i’ve got a trip into the city (Norwich), and i’m supposed to meeting up with an old friend who i haven’t seen for aaaages. it would be nice to see him but i’m getting really anxious about it. i don’t quite know why i’m so anxious about it because i should be excited. i think i’m just a bit worried about presenting myself in front of him. Yes, i know, we are friends and it really shouldn’t matter, i mean this guy has seen shades of me which only very few others have. i think possibly i’m just not going to live up to expectations. i’m in half a mind to cancel anything at the last minute because of it all. i don’t know what to do. i might enjoy it, but on the other hand i might just be a wreck inside, and that’s never good for me.
Saturday is something i am looking forward to. i’ve been asked to meet up with friends at the pub. i know i’ve already touched on this but i have been worrying again. i’m worried that i am just going to be boring. i’m not a big talker, especially when i’m sober, and i will be due to me giving up drinking. i will be the first to admit that i’m not interesting because i don’t think i am very important, so whats the point me talking, anything i say i don’t think is important. i think its like work. i need to be made to feel a little bit important for me to show my true colours, and maybe i’ll be a bit more interesting. You never know though, i might meet a lovely lady, who knows!
Sunday should be a better day. its a bit of a family day. my family are meeting up for my uncles birthday and i think it’ll be good. there are a few characters that are going to be there that i’m a little worried about, but one person i’m sure will help me if i get a bit worried, someone who’s been through similar sorts of emotions as me. it’ll also be easy to get away on Sunday because where we are going is quite big, hopefully i could lose myself in the atmosphere.
So these three things are what are worrying me over the weekend, and i’m sure i’ll update my blog as it goes because to be honest, just writing this stuff down helps me, a sort of self help…….thing.
so, nothing philosophical today, just a few of my worries.