So, the last few days have been soppy and ridiculous. i hate feelings, bad ones anyway, but what are bad feelings? I’m sitting here listening to music. soulful music, slow, soppy music, and its really affecting my emotions. i get sad, but i like it. its not sadness from my illness, loss of a loved one or anything like that, its sort of reminiscent sadness. its making me think of my past days and parts of my life that have now gone, and in that fleeting moment when a specific song comes on the radio i feel that sadness of times gone by, and how those memories are all in the past and i miss them. the song reminds you of maybe an old relationship, an old friend, or maybe even that special song you had between two people, yourself and a friend. i’m sitting here enjoying being sad, and its nice. i don’t know if other people feel like this when they hear certain songs, but i hope people do because i’m looking back at life and all the good times (of which i can remember of course). happily being sad at the good old days.
Anyway, today was a new day for me, and it also feels like a new start for me. i think last night i had a good hard look at myself and decided there needs to be a few changes. today i woke up with this emotional energy inside me that feels almost physical, in fact, it is also physical. yesterday i confronted my boss, i told him i felt intimidated by him which sparked a long conversation between us which was really good. i’ve started that freshness at work now. i sat next to my boss all day today and we talked about all sorts, really got to know him, and i hope he got to know me a little better too. i also decided today that its time i started really helping my colleagues improve on their work. i love helping people and i work well from the vibes i get from people and i’m really looking forward to this. i can really show off my talent. (when on earth is the backstreet boys soulful, just came on the radio, oh dear). so, work has a big tick next to it on my list of things to start improving.
the dreaded diet started today! and believe me, it does mean less food. i eat a fair amount and i would like to cut the snacks out. that is step one of me getting back to a reasonable weight where people don’t guess just how heavy i am. i would much rather people go, ‘corr Tom, you’ve lost weight!’ that will be nice. step two of getting the weight off, i have just moved a rowing machine into my living room. hopefully it will tempt me to sit on it and do a bit of working out. i did forty-five minutes on it today which i think is quite reasonable because i haven’t done any exercise in, well, ever! not ever, just years. but it does make me want to go for a run, i do like running, but i have shin splints (however this is self diagnosed, my shins hurt when i run) so i find it hard, especially with all the 19 stone of me on them. not good. step three of me getting in shape is just to be as active a possible. surely just being more active will help me lose weight. maybe go for a walk at lunch, something like that. i’m sure i’ll think of ways.
Right, reasons to be cheerful, part three! I think i’m going to start singing again. today i was watching how i met your mother on television and the suits song came on and it really got me going. i love singing and when my hearts in it i think i’m quite good. i don’t often pat myself on the back for anything but when it comes to singing if i think i’ve done well i want everyone to know, however i’m not on earth to do random moments of singing in front of single people just to prove i can do it! go on Youtube and hear it on there! anyways, i’m looking forward to just singing my heart out in my own space, no one to be embarrassed in front of, no one that i think will judge me, glorious freedom!
So, that’s what has been going on in my head. and only mentioned my illness one (twice now) in the whole post! GO ME!