I’ve written the start of this post a few times now i’m really not sure how to start it. it all seems to be negative and that really isn’t how i want to start this post, after all i am writing about the last few days of my life, and i don’t think they have been negative, maybe just a few ‘non’ days. i suppose there is some negative in there as well but ill come to that in a bit. i’m not sure what to start with really, i’ve got so much flying through my head its hard to concentrate, first thing first, move to somewhere more familiar and relaxing (i’m not at home right now).
well, i just had an interesting conversation that made me feel lonely, so much so it nearly reduced me to tears. i hate conversations like that because its going to live in my head until its fixed, and fixing it isn’t going to be easy. I just came to the conclusion that i have a lot of mates. i can make ‘friends’ with people quite easily, at work, up the pub, so on. i look at my Facebook home page and i see my friends doing stuff with other friends, maybe even other friends of mine, i see them having a good time with other people. when people put things on Facebook people respond, when i put things on Facebook i just pray something will happen. I do rely on family a lot as close friends because they cant escape, they will always be there. maybe my illness scares people, i mean it has got a stigma, just the other day i told a work colleague about it and the words he quoted were ‘that’s like when you’re crazy’. obviously it isn’t, but maybe people think of it like that, even my friends, its difficult. Thinking about it, this blog is like a friend to me, it has to listen to me. Maybe i just give out a bad vibe, who knows? obviously i don’t.
I need a change in my life and this weekend i did try to remedy this. i decided to get myself a new car. went through the rigmarole of money and stuff and then they decided they didn’t want to offer me finance to get the car. so, no car for me. no credit. oh well. This has made me think maybe i need a holiday. i’ve got some time off in June and i think i’m going to go somewhere. i haven’t decided where. it will be in the u.k. i have said i think i’ll just get into my car and drive and wherever i end up is where i will stay. maybe just put a tent in the back of the car, pack a bag, and just go. i think a holiday is something i need and its something i’m quite looking forward to yet because i haven’t got plans, but i’m sure when i’ve got plans i wont be able to wait. If you guys can think of something maybe a little bit more interesting, something i might enjoy please say!
Anyway, this weekend. i made the most of my bed this weekend laying in, very nice. i had some family time (what a suprise), we went to Bewilderwood, which is a massive childrens playground in the woods, but adults can use it as well. anyway, that was nice. it didn’t start that day well, just didn’t feel right, but towards the end of the day i was a little more relaxed.
sorry, now i’ve written some of the stuff i’ve written on here i don’t really feel like writing. just wanna curl up a in a ball and forget about the world.