Again i don’t have anything specific i want to write today, ill just see where this takes me. thinking over the past few days as to what i’ve been up to. work, sleep, wake, repeat. i have been enjoying a bit of television as well. i’m sure i’ll find out my emotions over the last few days once i start getting into this post.
I’m stroppy right now, ready to throw my toys out of my pram. I have mentioned on previous posts that i am now dieting and i hate it! i want to eat and eat and eat, but no, i shall not. i will like to see just how strong my willpower is, so far its holding up but tomorrow i’ve got to go shopping. i really will be tested walking around the shop going ‘i want that, and that, and that!’ i’ve really got to find things to keep me from eating snacks. i have been exercising with the rowing machine, and i’ve been planking as well. i weighed myself yesterday, and i am the hefty weight of nineteen stone and eleven pounds. i know what you’re thinking……….WHOA that heavy! well, i actually lost six pounds in the week before i weighed myself, so i’m doing something right. i’m just grumpy because i cant do the thing i love the most, eat.
As i said, i’ve been enjoying some television over the last few days. Springwatch is on! i love nature, especially birds. they are so fascinating, they’re the most adaptive animals in the world, even more so than humans. but yes, its been a real treasure to see a bittern on its nest. because i used to work on the broads i’ve seen a lot of bitterns in the past, i mean, once i ran into one! but to see the bitterns nest is something special. watching Springwatch right now and it looks like the blue tits are going to fledge. its so exciting to watch, certainly the best Springwatch since it started 10 years ago!
I’ve also been watching Fargo. not the film, but the new series on t.v, and it is awesome. its such a strange story! the story goes one way, then another way, then yet again, another way! you really have to watch every second otherwise you will miss something. if you’re not watching it, watch it, its brilliant, but if you don’t like death, don’t watch it.
one thing that is a little bit grating is that someone i know tries to help me with my illness but does nothing other than the absolute opposite of this. they have suffered from some mental health issues in the past, and i think present as well. i have to say my illness is very very different to theirs but i don’t quite think they understand this. they think what helps them helps me, and i tell them that what helps me doesn’t necessarily collate to what they need. so, they talk about ways that i should think about help, they say that it will work, i tell them that it doesn’t help me, but they insist. i’ve had a lot of therapy, it doesn’t help me very much, in fact it makes me angry, gets me depressed, it makes me feel isolated, and most of the time i don’t and wont believe most of the stats that they tell me. i don’t care if other people may say certain things, but i really don’t believe there are many people that suffer as severely as me. please don’t tell me things will work when i’ve told you they don’t work for me. i don’t know if other people suffer the same ‘advice’ that you really dont need, i could do without it, it really grinds my gears!
right, now i really want to eat after than little rant, but i wont, instead i’m going to go now and i’m going to watch the rest of Springwatch. byee!