So, after a loooooong time, im back. so much has changed since i last wrote on here, and im not going to go through it all. some of it will crop up though as i write.
Mental health awareness week this week and i cant think of a better time to start writing on here again. im trying to do my bit for awareness on faacebook and through word of mouth (even though i dont get out of the house). so, as all my followers know, i suffer from A LOT of different things, and i think when i was last typing on here i was going through a really tough time, and i sort of got depressed at readin what i had wrote, and that i think was my reason for stopping. after all, i never run out of things to say when im not actually talking to anyone.
Let me start all of this off on a low note (or is it? you decide!).
i am now jobless. i had to give up my job because i couldnt cope with the stress anymore. it wasnt the job, it was my illness taking over from my job. no job means i have had to move back in with my very supportive family. they dont quite know what to do with me, i know im difficult, but they try, and for the most part i survive. and now ive becaome a bit of a recluse. i dont go out much nowadays. the reason i dont go out is because im scared. im scared of the outside world. my anxiety gets the better of me. people tell me tesco is horrible anyway, tell me town is a nightmare, but i just feel like its a little worse for me (and some others). when i do eventually go out my paranoia also gets the better of me. ‘that guys wants to kill me’ ‘that guy thinks im weird’ and many other things i think when im outside. anyway, im digressing. no job, back living with the family, and dont go out. well i say i dont go out…………there is one place i do go. i go to ‘the shop’. the shop is great. the shop has a great atmosphere, great people go to it, great people run it, and i can just relax and be myself (sort of). Horray for the shop! so, im doing all this giving up to get better. i’ve pressed the restart button. im taking some serious time out. how long, as long as it takes. then i can think about a job, i can think about moving out again, i can think about lots of things all over again. and im planning (sort of) my life to be a better one. one with a real passion, and maybe a lovely lady who can put up with my hell!
onwards……….whats going on with me at the moment. i am going through a bit of a slump. it started about 2 to 3 weeks ago. i started feeling really low, worthless and empty. this is a bummer. when i feel like this i know things are probably going to get worse, and they have. im starting to feel the presence of ‘Frank’. boooo! i dont likme frank, he scares me. sorry for sounding like a child, but when you are thinking the wrost things in the world imaginable and then a horrific nightmare starts telling you to do them, its not nice. dont worry though, im not going to do those things. i can fight that sort of thing off most of the time. i tell you what though, and im going to be completely open about this. sometimes im in danger of myself. i will go no further than to say that. and now im feeling terrible (just in a sad way, because of the stupid things ive done in the past).
Moving on. I need a hobby. i have my singing (yes i love singing), but i need an empty house to do some singing, and i hardly ever have an empty house. La La La < this is the closest i get to singing!!! i think writying my blog again will help me in more way than one. i love sharing my feelings with people, this will make me feel relieved. i like it when my friends read my blog as well because without me having to tell them they know how im feeling at the time. i also liked writing my blog in the past because it took up time. im sitting in the house not knowing what to do, i know, i’ll write my blog! handy? i think so! Go blogging!!!
well, ive written quite a lot (i think) for today. so one more thing…..
what is everyone doing to raise awareness for mental health awareness week??? please let me know in the comments (if there are comments still on here. im pretty sure im going to find out).
please reads this people, and i will think of a title for this im sure!!!