The good, the bad and the downright lovely. (people)

Righto. day two back on the blog, and im loving it. since i wrote yesterday ive just been itching to write some more. i saw someones blog post on here which said ‘writing as a medicine’. this could well be true. ive already decided that this blog gives me some sort of purpose. what the purpose is, i dont know, but im sure there is a purpose there, even if it is a selfish purpose.

let me talk some more about medication because ive gone all over the place with my medication in the last year, and it must have been about a year since i last wrote on here. I’m now only on two medications (even though im only taking one of them). i am now taking arapiprazole (20mg) and fluoxotine (i think, and 15mg). its an absolute chore taking my meds. for startes i dont think they work, and in the last year ive become quite confused when it comes to keeping routine, and perhaps with just keeping up with my abysmal life. as far as other therapies im having………..well, im having none. about 3 months ago i saw a therapist and it was terrible. they intimidated me, they called me strange! and one thing i hate is the fact that when i see a new therapist they always try to re-diagnose me. ive been diagnosed!!! You have my notes!!! stop it!!! it was a horrible experience. i came out nearly in tears because of the experience, and the oner eason i went in to see her (to help my family understand my illness a little more) wasnt tended to! She offered me a list of relaxation tapes to buy. i mean what is she? some sort of arrogant HMV saleswoman??? i hated the experience.

on a positive note, i didnt go back to see this therapist when i had an appointment, so they made a new appointment for me with a different therapist, and apparently the new therapist is exeptional. i wasnt looking forward to the appointment until i talked to my doctor and he had nothing but praise for the new one. hooray! hopefully all goes well, we hit it off, and it will be just like having my old therapist, just different looking. watch this space to find out (although youll be waiting a while because of the shitty mental health system in this country which means i have to wait for ages to see someone).

WEIGHT!!! ive got something else to tell people. Im back on a diet (see what i did there?!). yes, i am enourmous and i need to lose weight, and its going wellish. ive lost 11lbs in three weeks! cant wait to see That as a whole stone though. i tell you what, dieting is torture, especially with someone that loves there food as much as me. ive cut carbs, which means ive cut bread (mmmmm, yummy bread), and im sticking to it. it was disheartening when after 11 days had only lost 1lb, i was almost in tears! and one more horrible thing i have noticed since i started my diet is that i eat when im bored, or alone, or feeling sad, or pretty much for any reason other than being hungry, so ive got a lot of free time on my hands now that i dont have a sandwich in them! i’ve also cut coffee. i do have my coffee milky with a sugar, so the right thing to do is to be tired all day and sacrifice the joe to lose a bit of weight.

so, im travelling back to the homeland (norfolk) soon to visit lots of people i havent seen for a while. get some fishing in, do some bird watching, do some drinking with friends and just try and have a good time. writing this gets me thinking that i dont have good memories. i dont remember things that are happy. i suppose its just the way my mind works. im sure that me having a good time at that specific time will still help me though. i do love norfolk. there are some fantastic people there. family and friends. they are the world to me. i know friends and family are the world to pretty much everyone else as well, but i just wouldnt exist figuratively and literally without them, and ive got so many of them to thank for that. i never thank them though, some of their heads would explode if i did. all i’ll say is A G J L N all play a big part. you know who you are im sure! oh, and Ted the dog, because he cant read this.

im going to stop here because again ive written quite a lot and i dont want to bore you all by me just rambling on. what i will say is i open the computer, come on to wordpress and i just start writing and writing. i dont plan what im going to write. its jsut so refreshing to talk to people while at the same time not having to actually talk to anyone.

Aaaaaaaaand stop!

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