Well, yesterday was a terrible day for me. everything annoyed me. when i say everything, i mean EVERYTHING! i got very sad because of all this. its not nice when everything in the world is bad. when i say everything everything annoyed me, its not like a normal annoyance. its when the whole world is against you, like everyone is plotting against you, when you get delusional thoughts about everything, make up stories in your head and believe them. I’m not a normal person when it comes to ‘having one of those days’. my mind goes dark…….really dark. i would never follow through on these thoughts, but its not normal to think the things i do think.
what i would say that was sort of positive, is that a lot of friends read my blog yesterday. i dont know which ones were reading, but it does please me. i hope it raises awareness for my friends as to what im going through. one of yesterdays posts got a lot of attention. i think its because i gave an explanation as to what goes o0n in my little head, and i think even i was interested to read what i had written.
i dont think im going to write a lot today, purely because i dont think there is a lot to say.
well i am off on ‘holiday’ tomorrow to lovely Norfolk. Norfolk really is where my heart lies. i love it there, i spent most of my life growing up there. i am going back to relax. go bird watching on the broads, testing the ale at the local pub, seeing friends and family (a little more stressful!) and a bit of sea fishing. i think i am an outdoorsie sort of person, though it is a shame that i can hardly ever get out purely because of my illness. i suppose the places i am going in norfolk are veery sparce when it comes to people, so all is good. i’ll be there for 10 days, so plenty of time to get things done, even if one day i dont feel like doing something. we’ll see. i might just do a lot of decorating for the family!
I’ve got a question………..something i’ve been thinking about. there is a lot of grief in the world, so is my illness just trivial? should i even care that people dont care? are there much more interesting, and painful things in the world? and am i being selfish that maybe i do want everyone to know and care about my illness? ok…….so i said ‘a’ question, not 4 questions. if you feel like answering these for me, please do….if you dont fancy it, it doesnt matter.
im off now. maybe speak tomorrow.
growing up there. growing uyp