well, its an early one this morning. half nine in the morning. phewie!!!! i had a day of it yesterday. i had a panic attack at my only sanctuary outisde of home. this was not good. ive had one there before but never so obvious. there were a lot of people there, a lot of people i didnt know, and this made me anxious. so i get anxious, and i start thinking about all the terrible things that could happen to me. i could say the wrong thing to someone, i could do the wrong thing to someone, i could make a complete fool of myself, or i could get murdered! these are actually all things that went through my head. you forget to breathe, you start to shake, you get horrible pains in your chest, and panic starts. i chose to make a complete fool of myself by running out of there crying. it wasnt nice, but it was the choice i sort of made. do you know what, the response was brilliant. i had people wanting to look after me, so, thank you JF, TS, and AW (if you can work out your initials, yes thats you) for saying the right things. you know, i know there is a stigma attached to mental health, but when you see the other side it is rather reassuring. so after i calmed down a bit i went home and of course phoned my granny, and talked to the people at home.
i really do love my friends, and without all of them i dont know what i’d do. well i do know, but i dont wanna talk about it. so afterall what was a bad moment, turned into one of satisfaction in the knowledge that people have got my back. thank you 🙂