I had to write this today.

depression, anxiety, paranoia and psychotic symptoms.

these affect me in the following ways.

i find it physically hard to get out of bed. i have no motivation for anything, including personal care. i find it hard leaving the house, and socialising with anyone, including close family.

my paranoid thoughts include the fear that i am under attack. i am afraid that the russians are going to bomb england, and i have people spying on me.

my psychotic symptoms are of hallucinations, specifically one of ‘frank’, who is my worst nightmare. he tells me to do the bad things in my mind.

this all started when i was eight years old, and has worsened over the years.

if youve read my blog, you would know this is the tip of the iceberg. there are so many other ways that my illness affects me. i had to write this for a claim today. there was so much more i had to write, in fact, i didnt even get it finished there was so much.

today has been a tiring one. i went to the doctors in the morning. my doctor referred me to the crisis team and referred to me as ‘actively suicidal’. never been called that before, well, not while i was about anyway. i got a call from the crisis team, and someone is coming over tomorrow to check up on me. im going to have my granny here while the chrisis guy is over which is comforting for me.

also, magically this evening i couldnt pick my cup up, i couldnt pick the kettle up. ive had this problem before where i cant pick certain things up. i’ll see where it goes from here, but i am right on the cusp of some swerious problems, even more serious than it is already.

oh well.


4 thoughts on “I had to write this today.

  1. I’m so glad that you see you’re having problems staying ‘upright’ as it is. I’m thankful your granny will be there for you. Just remember we are all here to blog with when you need a dose of love. Just be honest and it will only get better💜


  2. Call someone you know and have them with you today, please!
    Keep that crisis phone number close by and don’t hesitate to call.

    We all get this way, at some point in our lives, we just need to have that way out of it.


      1. Awesome!
        I can relate to how you’re feeling…I was in that spot, easily several months ago and the thoughts have returned from time to time.


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