Subsiding is good.

finally my internet is working again! this is pleasing. i havent been able to blog, or read any other peoples blog posts, its been a nightmare! But alas, i am back on here, typing away, telling you all how im feeling, what im up to, and other stuff.

so, i had a meeting with my psychiatrist the other day, and i found out im getting a care co-ordinator. this person should visit me once or twice a week and help me do stuff……socially. my anxiety is terrible at the moment, however i did manage to go out on friday to ‘the shop’, where i feel comfortable, i was still anxious, but not half as bad as i thought i’d be. i also went over a family members house which was good, and i did some work on my sisters allotment. busy busy busy! all very anxious moments though.

unfortunately with anxiety comes boredom. you want to go out, but you dont want to at the same time, so you’re stuck indoors most of the time, mainly doing nothing. add depression into this and you have no get up and go, but at the same time wish you were doing something to better yourself. so, i have been bored, and i hate being bored.

overall, life is still very difficult for me, however, my suicidial thoughts have subsided, and my hallucinations have as well. paranoia is still a big part in my mind at the moment, and i cant help but make scenarios in my head either of bad things that could happen.

what i would like to say as well i thank you. thank you people who read my blog, i really do appreciate it, and i know just how far around the world it gets. thank you everyone.


5 thoughts on “Subsiding is good.

  1. I am so pleased your suicidal thoughts and paranoia have subsided. Although I was 11 years clean at the beginning of this year, I have had major problems with paranoia and suicidal thoughts for my whole recovery. When I had a nervous breakdown at the end of 2013 I started doing crazy OCD checking rituals 10 hours a day because of the paranoia, it was totally ruining my life. That has all calmed down through therapy and medication and now I have almost no paranoid thoughts at all, which is amazing as I have had paranoia since early childhood. In fact all my mental health problems and addictions are in recovery and I am happier and more peaceful than I have ever been. It’s been a long, dark tunnel but I am finally in the light at the end of it.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m so pleased you’re finally at the light end of the tunnel. I feel I’m making my way through the tunnel at the moment, and with the extra help I’ll be getting, fingers crossed I’ll get further through my recovery.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I’m so glad you have more help on board. What a blessing. And I’m think of you every day by the way. I too have severe anxiety and I watch from my living room as people coma and go. I want that, but most days it’s a struggle. I feel your frustration, and boredom!


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