somethings coming. i can feel it coming, its bulding up inside of me, and im worried. my concentration is lacking, my emotions are lacking, and my ability to care about anything has gone now. it hurts.
my trip to norfolk was a trip to nothing. it didnt help me at all, and infact it may have impeeded on me. i was tired the whole time, i was frustrated with everything, and i was bored pretty much the whole time. i dont know what to do most of the time anyway, so boredom is nothing unusual, but in norfolk, its a bit more unusual.
im thinking i might have to do a little rethink about a few things. i mean, i’ve been worried about my weight recently. i need to exercise, i know, but its difficult when you have such little self esteem, when you have no confidence, and no get up and go. plus, im quite anxious about leaving the house at the best of times! i think i ought to get this out of my head, and focus on my head, more than whats in it. ive also been thinking about girls. yes, thats right ladies im single. im thinking about maybe dating again. i know ive said it a few times in the past, and this will probably come to nothing as well, but i would love the company. its just a shame i have an airports worth of baggage (my illness) im carrying around with me. maybe if i find someone who also has the same baggage i might be ok??? ohhhhhhh i dunno. just something else ive been thinking about really.
im trying to make jokes at the moment as well. trying to joke about everything to try and find some emotion within me. other people laugh, but i dont really laugh with them. im pretty sure im going to get more depressed than usual soon. i dont know what my immediate future is going to spring on me, but im trying my hardest to recognise something, and i think im getting there. this is a good thing, noticing the signs n’all. i think its just an emptiness inside thats giving me the clues, and ive got to think about how to combat this. i better tell someone i suppose.
ok, i’ll do that now.