ive been looking back over the last few days, and ive decided it went well. i know i wrote some stuff saying i felt alone, but i always feel alone! in the last few days i felt like i was welcome somewhere and that was nice. sure, i felt alone most of the time, but not ALL the time. i would rate the weekend a 6/10 for me, which isnt bad at all!
im back at home now and not much has changed. people are still busy, while i just sit there. i went out to ‘the shop’ today which was nice because i got to see some ‘friends’. ive also made a huge commitment. in october im going to london to sit in a hall with about 2000 people for 3 days. this is a biggie. its a tournament for a game i play, so im hoping everyone will be focused at the game and not on me (which includes myself!) i dont know how ill cope, but ive made the commitment now so im going to have to go through with it.
today someone said to me ‘people would usually have to take acid to experience what your experiencing at the moment’. he said this because im currently having a small psychotic episode, which has been going on for about 2 weeks now, and ive had it in the past as well. i can see bugs crawling away under my skin, i can feel them, i cansee small bumps on my skin where they are moving. it really does make me itch all over! its very frustrating. all it means is that i look a bit like a wally while im talking to people because im sort of swatting flies away when they arent actually there, and im itching all the time! its a weird one, ill grant you that, but its been happening to me for years now, and was my first ever psychotic experience. ohhhhhh well.
as you can probably tell, im not the worst ive been, infact im far from it right now. im not great, but im coping, making commitments and challenging myself, and this is all healthy for me.
im going to go now. might even stick a picture of me up from the weekend.
p.s, im the one on the right, the one on the left is my father!