i did something the other day that i thought i could never do. no, i did not lick my elbow! it all started on saturday morning. i was going to a tournament for a game i play called Magic, the gathering. everyone there was on their A game, it was intense, and serious stuff. in the first round of playing this game i had a panic attack. the judge gave me some time out, i went outside and shed a few tears. heart racing, chest hurting, i went back inside and confronted it, this was all with the help of my friends (who are my world), and i got on with it. it went away after a little while, i carried on, and i started doing really well at this game i was playing. i was winning, i got to the top table, then got into the top 4 cut. i carried on playing and then BAM! another panic attack, right in the middle of playing one of the most important games of magic i had played. i took some more time out (thank you judge for being so accomodating) shed a few more tears, i got jeed up by my friends, went back in and explained to my opponent what was going on, and carried on playing through my panic attack. i didnt win this game unfortunately, however, i will rememeber this day as having 2 panic attacks and still doing really well!
now this day is a big deal for me for more than one reason. reason one is the fact i did well under pressure, but the more important reason is, i confronted my panic attacks, i didnt run away, i sought to fight them. ive never done this before, ive always run away, they scare me. so when it comes to my illness, i fought it, and i won! what i will say is, panic attacks give you a lot of adrenaline, and it seriously does not go away for a long while. i was buzzing off the adrenaline from them!
have i taken a step in the right direction when it comes to panic attacks? i think so. have a turned a corner with my illness all together??? maybe, i dont know. what i do know is, right now, im not scared of having another panic attack, especially if ive got people around me who will help me. Cheers Mike, Dan, John, and others!