right, so im slipping away a little bit now. im all out of my comfort zone whereever i am, whatever i do. its a nightmare because i am not enjoying myself at all. infact i am a little depressed to be honest. im struggling a lot. im lonely, lonely all the time. i had a load of my family over today and i felt alone. i shouldnt, but i did. im also feeling worthless. i mean, what good am i? i contribute nothing to anyones lives, and its always been like that as well. ive always been on the outside looking in on peoples lives. at school i was never in a circle of really close friends. someone once said on tv, that their are some people who you will invite to parties, but you dont want them eating your food or drinking your drink, and im this person. i really feel that i am not worth anything to anyone, and i think other people think that about me as well. i really need to see my suppoort worker and get some help i think.
talking about that, my support worker is coming over in a couple of days which is a relief, even though its probably going to be the final time i see him ~(which is a pain in the arse), but oh well, start all over again. i know how i will feel when he comes over though, ill feel like a hinderence, someone who is just putting him out. i know ill feel like this, because this is how i feel now, and why should that change???
im in an angry mood at the moment as well. really dont want people to get on the wrong side of me right now because i wont stand for it. all of the stuff ive mentioned always (and yes i mean always, dont try and tell me otherwise) gets worse (and no, this time isnt going to be different im sorry to say), i am preparing myself for this. got october coming up as well, and thats going to be really really fun because ive got a big trip. i dont know how im going to be at that. ohhhhh dear. life isnt good right now, ive told people, so dont worry.
my diet is going well i suppose. i mean, ive had a couple of things that arent in my diet, but, if i carry on the way i do, i think ill be ok. only time will tell. my mum is trying to help me with it as well. shes cooking things i can eat, and anything i cant eat she or i dont serve to me.
ugh, im tired. so im going.