last night was one of my most diffcult ive had in years. with my last bit of energy i managed to call my granny to try and help me. well, i ended up going to hospital in the back of an ambulance. my thoughts were the darkest ive seen since i last attempted suicide. ihad made a plan, i was ready to go, and something, some enrgy stopped me in my tracks. i had to wait about in hospital for a while with my mum, until we saw the psychiatrists. they asked me the usual stuff. but one questioned ive been asked before i answered differently. right now, do you want to end your life? i answerred yes, hours after i made the call i still wanted to do it. i was in hospital looking for ways, but alas i couldnt find a way, and i doubt i would have had the time as well. while waiting for the ambulance i did hurt myself. well, i say hurt myself, i couldnt feel anything, i felt numb. so last night was traumatic. but thank you to everyone of my family and friends for your support.
so, today. today i feel a little tiny bit better. ive not made a plan today. ive just had the thoughts. i got some sleep, and ive woken up a bit more alert which is good. im not feeling so numb now. ive been on the phone almost constantly today, while my mum got some rest. im seeing my support worker tomorrow as well. and im hoping one of my friends is coming over as well, to keep me company.
anyway, im going to go now. im tired.