so, i havent been well the last few weeks, and i thought id come on here to write about it a bit. as well as other stuff thats been going on with me.
people who read this will know by now that i have mental health issues. i suffer from schizo-effective disorder. its not the best thing in the world to have, and worst of all………..ive stopped taking my meds. there is however a reason why ive stopped taking my meds. im not well……..physically. ive had to go to the hospital a couple of times, and to the doctors a couple of times because of it as well. it seems to be that the doctors i have seen havent been very forward with telling me whats wrong with me. i even asked my doctor yesterday ‘what is wrong with me?’ and he didnt want to give me an answer. however, when i was last at the hospital i did sort of get an answer. ive got one of two things. ivbe either got stomach ulcers, or much more frustratingly…… cancer. its not easy to talk about, and it really does annoy me. i know i have to look positively, but people must understand that my mind doesnt work like that, and for anyone, to have that word put forwards, it cant feel good at all. so at the moment i am praying ive actually got stomach ulcers. all i know is, at the moment i am in agony, i cant eat properly, and mind mind is like a smelly fart, i dont want it about, but for some reason its lingering.
so actually my blog is going to be focused on my mental health now. ive not actually been too bad recently. ive been getting on with life, having the odd thoughts, having the odd meltdown, but overall im not doing too bad. obviously the trips to hospital have put things into perspective a little bit, and maybe its because ive got something new to focus on, that my mental health has been a little better! its a weird one. do i focus on my mental health, or my physical health. i suppose a big plus is, im losing weight really fast! (im putting this down to the fact im not eating much). my mental health is such an important part of my life, and as much as i want it to go away, now its sort of gone away, i want it to come back. its not really fair that i have to put up with this much. i really and honestly cant think of any reason i deserve all this, but hey, to some people, they may think i do for some reason or another.
i am however gutted, gutted that im going to miss a trip to truck festival this year. i missed out on tickets for the first time ive ever applied. so, thats annoying. ive still got my racing weekend with my dad though, which i can really look forward to! that reminds me, i want to call him.
so, im going to go now. im going to now keep people updated on here. and if you see a picture of a bottle of champagne (which i will not be able to drink) assume i have stomach ulcers! i will be celebrating!