Fence sitting and small target hitting.

so, i think my place of writing on here lapsed last year. i didnt pay enough attention to it and perhaps this had an affect on me. i know that writing on here really helps me, so i should pay more attention to this.

ive applied to volunteer doing the same thing as when i came out of college years ago. i wrote the other day about how important it was to me, and even though i dont expext it will be the same as then, i still think it will be good for me. to me, doing anything that int sitting in my house is a huge advancement in my life, however i have to be careful not to get too excited about all of this because i may not be able to volunteer due to volunteer numbers, and a number of other reasons. to get outside will be lovely, and to talk to other humans daily will be nerve-wracking at the beginning but i will settle into it. again though, i cant get excited until it happens.

unfortunately, coming back here feels like ive fallen back into the same place i was in a couple of weeks ago. i think i need to do something straight away to make myself eel differently, im just not sure what that is going to be. i might even give that some thought today. i dont want my thinking to turn into procrastination. what i need to do is just a little different to my old norm. i might just drink more water or something! small but different. i could also set up some sort of routine, even if the things i do are the same a routine will make me plan a day i guess. again, something small but effective. i did some singing last night as well. i havent actually sung much while ive been here. i think more of that is probably a good thing as well. i just worry that people who live around here will hear me or even worse…….see me through the living room window! give me a good enough song though, and i will sing my heart out. i just need a piano here now.

yesterday i said something on social media about the fence. i love sitting on the fence. whenever i dont sit on the fence i get worried, i get self conscious, and i get scared that there would be repercussions. sitting on the fence takes all this away. if i have an opinion on something im generally extremely passionate about it but if i can sit on the fence, i will. its not that im indecisive, its just that i generally dont have (or need) an opinion on it, or i havent made my mind up on something i believe needs a lot of thought. the fence is also safe. you cant really argue with a fence sitter, and so long as the fence sitter makes it clear they will make their own mind up, no one will try and convince you of anything.

im going to go and make minute changes to my life now. i will write more nonsense soon.


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