just a short one this time. its a bit of a moany one, and a bit of a mournful post for me. im saying goodbye to some parts of my life that help me, and will still help if i carry them on, but i have to live without those parts of my life i think.
ive realised im going to be trying to condition myself now. i decided today that i need to restrict myself as to how much pressure i put on people. i worry everyday about forcing myself into peoples lives by pestering them with me.
today i didnt call anyone, it was extremely lonely and its quite tricky for me to only speak about 5 words in a thirteen hour period but i have to remember that people have lives, i have a life! my life isnt any good right now but i have to figure out my own life like everybody else has. weirdly enough im ok if people dont want to include me in their lives, i just need to get a point where i am naturally a part of someones life and they are ok with that. i hope its not far away, i really hope this but i cant go searching for it, i believe it has to happen naturally.
im going to see how far i get tomorrow with this. i think i will get through the day without having to call on anyone. i also need to know that when someone calls on me just for favour, then does it again and again and in no way wants to actually interact with me that person doesnt belong until they stop using you. these are the people i talked about a few days ago, the ones that dont care about you, other than how convenient you are to them.