i reckon this a little more positive today.
it seems ive arrived late to an album that’s been out for months now. i havent listened to Paramore much in the past but every now and again i would hear a song from their newest album on the tv or radio and think ‘this is pretty cool!’, turns out the entire album is! its properly me. i know i listen to music for its overall sound and not anything more specific but there was a song on the album called ‘fake happy’ and the lyrics caught my attention. the lyrics are based on something really common with mental health problems, the question everyone asks, the one about how you are. this is a question people cant answer honestly because, and this is only from my experience, if you tell someone you’re not doing great they dont want to talk to you about it. it doesnt really matter who that person is to you, the conversation with quickly move away from it. its much easier to say things are ok in this situation, its easier to move away from the real answer because when someone whos having trouble tells you it breaks their heart a little when the person you are talking to tries to steer clear of that topic. its odd in society that people are happy to bathe in the happiness of others but wont help someone who doesnt have that happiness. oh well, thats just the world we live in. the album is awesome BTW, it makes me dance lots! go listen if you like music!
ive stuck to my conditioning so far today, no calls to or from people yet, i usually have by now (called someone, people rarely call me). i think it helps that i spent a couple of hours in the company of anyone yesterday. i managed to put aside any annoyances i had and was just satisfied that i had seen a human being that day and that i was speaking words out of my mouth. not sure how today is going to go, i imagine it will be very similar to yesterday, perhaps with less person seeing. its odd actually, the other day i was talking to someone on the phone and they were telling me about their day. now, the day before this conversation was probably my busiest day of the year, the gutting things was that it was as busy as this persons normal day. the person i was talking to kept saying that they hadnt been up to anything really, and anything they had been doing wasnt interesting. just imagine how that felt for me! two months into the year and my busiest day was a non-day in other peoples eyes. go me!
i think today will probably be a lot of music, a little sport, and some self loathing. hopefully the music reduce the latter of those, we’ll see.
hope you all have a lovely day 🙂