Life’s a beach…..

i went to the beach again and saw some horrific erosion on the cliffs near me. some parts have been eroded ten metres recently. there were also a lot of dead starfish on the beach, also due to the bad weather on the east coast in the last couple of weeks. also, it turns out the tide was OUT earlier when i went. it was much higher this afternoon. ive not seen it like that at the beach in a long time.

i am trying to dampen my frustrations at the moment, its difficult, a bit got out on the phone a little while ago and the person i was talking to just said nothing, wasnt interested in the topic and just wanted to move on. i made a joke about it, they laughed, we moved on from there. disappointing.

i will just say, im not someone who lives as a complete downer. i honestly am nice and think nice things. i can feel good as well, i can look positively at things, i know i can. its horrible for me that i cant do much of this right now. it breaks my own heart that this isnt the case. if i cant see positive things right now its because i really am not being allowed to be positive. ive been sat back on my arse too many times in the last few months. i have a constant frustration in my life that doesnt let me escape, and the help i would really like to receive from people…….im just not getting.

my problem is sort of like a snowball effect. it starts off small, if it stops there its easy to melt, if you let it get bigger and bigger, to the point where its like a big round avalanche its not going to be easy to stop, it wont be able to melt very easily. it will need constant sun and heat to melt it. my problem is the avalanche right now, and it feels like someones trying to melt all this ice with a match-stick, it wont work, i need more and i’m not getting it from anyone. people dont want to get involved, those people make me feel even worse because im close to them and they dont want anything to do with it, even people who should be the closest to me just destroy me because of the lack of involvement they want. one word answers to things are pathetic, and they hurt me, a lot!

im off now


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