i think im appreciating smaller things in my life right now. me listening to music is helping me somewhat, after all i do like singing and it gives me an opportunity to open my mouth and make noise even when i havent had a person to physically speak to all day. its odd, but when you dont exactly do much talking in a day its nice to be able to make some noise, and this gives me an outlet for that. sure, im singing the same songs from Paramore over and over again, but who cares right?
im also appreciating the fact that i have a bit of freedom to get to the beach and relax through walking and taking in the scenery. having my own transport has always been a big thing for me. i dont like relying on others, and im awful at public transport, it give me a lot of anxiety and lets my paranoia run rife. so im only driving ten minutes away, who cares, it gives me the opportunity to escape from the same place i am in every day of my life right now.
i really do also appreciate any outside help i get from anyone. a random phone call to talk to me about mine and their life. it gives me a sense that i actually matter, people actually care about me and want to know how i am. i dont care if its the result of breakdown that starts someone doing this, what matters is that its actually happening, because, in my life it doesnt really happen at all.
on another note away from appreciating stuff, i found out i am going to be volunteering. i am going on a first aid training course on saturday to get me ready, and then hopefully my starting date will be around the beginning of april, but if its sooner ill be well chuffed! i also just found out something i ordered from the USA has just been shipped. i bought a couple of lapel pins for my collection (i dont really collect, i just like them). they are only available from the US because of the company they come from. one is name ‘that old chestnut’ and the other is from a youtube show called ‘because science’. they are both cool! both of these things have brightened my mood slightly, and im sure they will brighten my mood even more once i receive the pins and start volunteering. expect pictures!
hopefully ill manage to sleep a little better tonight. amount of time sleeping isnt always the most important part, i need to sort out a pattern, preferably one that suits my needs, but i cant ask for everything!
im off to sing, dance, scroll through twitter and prepare for some sleep (even thought its only 8.30pm)