i havent done a general mental health blog in a few days and i thought id do one now. ive got a few things i want to talk about, one ive nicked from someone elses post (thank you burning phoenix for ‘authenticity’) and some of my own thoughts.
i want to start with patience with mental health. now, this section may only include me but its something i suffer with quite a lot and its something i have vaguely covered in previous blog posts. i have a lot of patience, A LOT! but there is a breaking point for patience and ive hit mine on a lot of things. i can have a run of years not getting frustrated by something, i can calmly move past the moment, i can even store it away somewhere safe for years. there is a breaking point. when i say i store my frustrations or in fact not get frustrated i still have every single memory of the times something happened, i dwell on them daily, my thoughts are so quick that i can get through a lot of them in a single day, and generally i can go through the last 9 years and almost pick out daily issues i had. i dont let these thoughts bother me until it happens a lot more often, then i get agitated, the thoughts i already had become new frustrations along side the current frustration. im not saying this builds into rage, although sometimes in the past it has, it turns into a sort of fed-upness that i can no longer live with and my frustrations will spill over and out of my mouth. it may seem like there is an over reaction but whats happening is i am usually putting a stop to being taken advantage of, no listened to, or just being completely used. no one usually stands for it, i can stand for it for a long time but when it happens all to frequently i cant. i suffer mental health problems, treat me like someone who shouldnt be used, someone who should be listened to. my mental health problems mean im quite a timid person usually im quite a relaxed person on the outside, i will say yes to anything and everything if it helps someone i care about, this doesnt mean i will just do everything for you. im kind yes, but im also a human, a human with problems, and i need to be seen as someone who cant be relied on for everything all the time.
that sounded like a bit of a rant so i apologise to those who read it like that, but honestly, its something i just want to say, im not trying to rant, im just trying to get a point across, and this something that really affects me.
this gently moves onto the next thing i wanted to mention. fitting in but at the same time accepting who i am, and accepting people will accept me for who i am. i will say yes to everything to help people i care about, i will seem like quite a confident person on the outside, i speak well, it almost seems like i am good at socializing, like i fit in alright and i am happy with social situations, all of this is not the case. inside i am a quivering wreck, i am worried everything i say is wrong, i worry i am being judged left right and centre. i feel like if i let the real me out people wont be happy with me, i wont be accepted into society and ill be shunned like a cheap faulty brand of person. i want to be who i am in society but my inability to accept myself stops me. i wrote something about being a man with mental health problems and how its not acceptable, there any many things stopping me from being accepted, myself, society and my mental health being the main three. i cant be authentic, its too difficult.
something i have written a lot about just recently is the help you should receive when you have a mental health issue. now, i have really written it on here but i think im going to publish what ive written about it. it covers a lot of areas, none of which are medical. now, if you read my blog posts you know that i love the beach. only today i wrote about it being a therapy for me. it covers the emotional responses and the emotional help you can get from someone who cares about you, someone who wants to help. it helps those people as well, those who want to help. now when it comes to those that help i dont know how to help you that much on a personal level, but i can see ways that could help. group meetings, sharing of helpful ideas and experiences, and how things could be improved within the professional world to help you. its just as important for people who help to get help, there’s no denying that. look out in the future for posts about this because they might help, and i think i would like some response to it as well, positive or negative, so long as its constructive feedback, it will all be appreciated. the reason i would like the feedback is because i would like to use it more publicly than my blog and i would like to improve it.
anyway, thats my blog done, again, sorry about the beginning bit, but i guess i needed to say it, and i dont edit at all in my blog posts so i will not remove any of it.
thanks for reading this.