Productive Beach Therapy.

the beach can be an odd place sometimes. you see different characters every time you come here, all the different dogs, and while i only came to this part of the beach yesterday it looks completely different. i know that the sea has been doing a job on the beach and cliffs but i dont think it would have changed it so much in twenty-four hours. maybe im just seeing it from a different perspective, noticing different things today.

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ive come here today because i just wanted to be productive, never-mind that i was shopping at nine-thirty this morning, but i needed to see the outdoors, and you know i love the beach! even just sitting here doing nothing but writing in my pad, i feel more productive than the rest of my day. i think its probably because it feels like therapy for me, listening to nothing but nature, or the odd dog walker calling their lovely pal back to them. if only i could have my psychiatry sessions here, i think everything would be much more relaxed, perhaps it would in fact spoil the beach for me. i think i will keep it largely to myself.

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so, today has been full of surprises! ive surprised myself and ive been surprised by a nice small thing or two. as i mentioned earlier i went shopping for food because, well, i need food to live. i dont even think it was a conscious decision to go out and shop, i sort of just shoved my coat on, grabbed some bags and went. it wasnt too great when i got there. i get paranoid in public, i worry people are following me, filming me, looking for any reason to laugh at me, or they want to hurt me, i can tell you now, this isnt a great feeling, especially if there are a hundred other people in the shop with you. i managed to get everything (i think) and then came straight back home. im surprised here because i managed it, and surprised because i just got up and did it.

i also got my enamel pin badges from the U.S.A today. this is pretty cool because i wasnt expecting them today. im wearing one right now! it’s alongside my mental health pin which i bought from the Mental Health Foundation website (u.k).

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ooooh, i can hear the cliff eroding away beside me, its both frightening and wonderful just how powerful the sea is, especially here on the east coast of England just recently.

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im going to go now, im going to enjoy the sunshine on the rest of my walk back to the car. its been a good day so far, hopefully i havent jinxed it by writing that.

BYE!

P.S i got home a mowed the lawn, another surprise. what an active day for me! i also just realised i havent had a serious suicidal thought for a few days now, things must be improving for me.

I would also like to reference myschizomind.wordpress.com. The latest post was just the essence of what I, and I imagine many others go through trying to fit in with real life. Authenticity.

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