34 Hours without it!

friday nights sleep did not go to plan. i got zero sleep friday night and it wasnt nice. i managed to stay awake for a while after, i didnt really feel sleepy until about 4pm saturday and then i got hit hard. i dont like getting no sleep at all because it completely messes with my pattern for the next few days afterwards. i imagine im going to have at least another night with no sleep in the next few days. what frustrates me is that on friday i did an awful lot of stuff and should have been exhausted, i was not exhausted and was not happy. i managed to sleep last night, in fact i actually slept from about 6pm to 7am this morning which, because the clocks went forward means i got 12 hours which isnt bad at all. i just really hope i can sort my sleep pattern out as soon as possible.. yes my sleep pattern isnt great when its normal but i would rather get 4/5 hours sleep each night rather than no sleep some nights.

anyway, what did i actually do yesterday? i went for two, yes TWO walks. because i couldnt sleep i decided i would go to the beach early for a walk to try and wear myself out. there are a lot of people at the beach first thing in the morning. there are the same sort of people, dog walkers, walkers, and people exercising, but just a lot more of them. i looked out of place with my jeans on and no dog to walk. after this i went to see some family because they were going for a dog walk. this walk was nice, i was walking somewhere else than usual and got to chat at the same time, and i got to see three cool family dogs, even if they do annoy each other. so yesterday i did a good two hours of walking. i didnt do too much else other than this. oh, i did talk to some family about mental health which was good. we discussed how it just affects everyday life and how funding really isnt that clever in this country. its good that its being funded in places but the funding is disproportionate which makes it awkward to transition from youth to adulthood. i’d rather it was funded across the board, but if not that, fund it in the most helpful places.

so, today ive already been for a walk. as i said earlier, i was up at seven this morning so i managed to get out to the beach. i did a nice forty minute walk because i got achy at twenty minutes in and turned around. i was nice to go out though. the air is always so refreshing in the morning, you feel like you are breathing in good air if there is such a time of the day to breathe cleaner air. not many people this morning though, clocks going forward means people were having a sort of lay-in but getting exactly the same amount of sleep.

im not sure what im going to get up to today. i feel like i do want to do something. even if i only go somewhere for a little while ill be pleased. the issue is i dont have any friends so i dont have anyone to do anything with. its annoying that i have no friends here, and the weird thing is, this time im not actually to blame for this (i have been before) so it adds to the frustration. yeh i know im not an easy person to cope with sometimes but usually i leave the difficulty to my family and let my friends have it a bit easier. oh well. im sure ill have friends in the future otherwise its going to be an extremely lonely future for me, lonely even when i dont feel alone when  im around people.

one other thing i will say is that im thinking of going to the family thing in just over a week. yes the weather isnt supposed to be great so i might not go because of that but im getting a little more confident. because i saw some family yesterday it wasnt too bad for me and i think its probably a leap but i reckon i might be able to manage it, ill just put in some safety precautions for me just in case things dont go too great. HA! makes me laugh sarcastically that sentence does. who in life has to put in safety precautions for themselves around the people youre supposed to feel most comfortable around, its not like im going skydiving or anything, its literally just in case there are too many people for my comfort. oh dear.

anyway, im off now. have a nice day people.


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