while i wait for a call back from the volunteery people in regards to what im doing in April, while i await a call from anyone in fact, or while i wait for the day to end i am listening to music to cheer myself up, delving into my past catalogue of music in my head. i am currently listening to Feeder who were one of the first bands that really got me into music and im not even sure when that was. when was Buck Rogers released???
so yes, i am starting volunteering after easter which is cool, at least im hoping i start then, ive put a call in telling someone im interested in starting doing something specific but im awaiting a call back because the person couldnt talk right then. this would mean i would be working all April on the Norfolk Broads (where i live) doing conservation and the like. im just waiting for call back and have been waiting a few hours now so im getting anxious, and of course my paranoia is telling me that the person knows who i am and doesnt want to have anything to do with me and also just wants to annoy me by leaving me hanging. im glad i can tell this apart from the truth sometimes and this is one of the times. i just wouldnt mind a call really.
i really wouldnt mind a call from someone else as well. i dont like spending the day all on my own, i dont like the lack of speaking to people as well. i talked to the delivery driver who was delivering some shoes for me, but other than that i have only had a 5 minute conversation on the phone. twiddling thumbs isnt that fun, i joke about it sometimes but in all seriousness its really quite a bother because it just reminds me my life is going nowhere. i am aware that other than the delivery driver im not going to see anyone until at least around 7pm tonight which is a long time not seeing anyone. the phone calls i hope for are so important to me, they help me socialise, they help me figure my mind out, even if thats not what im talking about. if i can talk to someone on the phone it means i have talked to someone, it means i have learned something about someone that day, it also just makes my day more interesting. one phone call, that is all.
oh yeah, i bought shoes, i might have said the other day. i bought some VANS shoes, they arent really skatery, but they are nice and they didnt break the bank which is important because i dont really have any money, but i also didnt have any shoes so needed to get some. i am now wearing the sweet lovelies in the house to get comfortable with them. is that a normal thing to do?
something i mentioned earlier was about waiting for the end of the day. people often tell me not to wish the day away, what on earth do these people live like for them to not wish their day away, i do it all the time! i hate living 24 hours in a day, its boring, its tiring, i think far too much and its generally really difficult to live every day. wishing the day away is sometimes the most productive thing i do in a day! i wish i didnt wish the day away sometimes because then that would mean im probably enjoying myself. i wish days away so that i can get to one where im not completely miserable, then i wont wish the day away where im happier. i will wish the day away if i so wish.
Music is well on my mind right now though. im listening to the music i listened to through my teenage years, pop punk, rock, indie, and a mix of other random strangeness. i also got the keyboard out last night so i played a bit of that. i dont have a piano here so a keyboard will do, but i do like to play and i have had a bit of an itch recently to play some stuff, ive also had some tunes in my head ive wanted to play on an instrument, so getting the keyboard out is good, i just hope i get some more motivation today to actually play, maybe after the phone call im expecting i will do something, we’ll see.
im off now, i might come back later, again, we’ll see.