oh well. i mean, im not offended, im not put off, i am upset though. i had built myself up to tell people i wanted to go to the family gathering next week and now its not best if i go according to family members. i mean, thats not great is it. my motivation was slashed because now my invitation is rescinded. im worrying at the moment about other family members perhaps not being pleased with me, i know one person definitely isnt, but now i cant appear at a family gathering because its not in peoples best interests. ive become taboo. i literally as i type now have realised im that person when people say ‘theres one in every family’. im that one! fantastic! now ive got to try and build up some esteem, ive got to compose myself now, i imagine my sleep is going to be nil tonight. im upset. im noto angry at anyone, if im not going to be welcome for certain reasons (most of which seem to be my own comfort levels that people are worried about) then im not welcome. i feel like the rank outsider in my family. im losing this one.
this is just another thing i will have to pick myself up from, no family member will help me with this. i will have to put on a happy face and just let other people decide how i feel or how i will be at certain times. ok, that bit im a bit annoyed about, but im generally just upset because i thought id got somewhere in myself and i have it taken away from me.