right, so i said i wasnt going to write again unless something went wrong. i wouldnt say anything has gone wrong but i did come under a lot of pressure and had a panic attack. as silly as it may seem, im scared of washing up, it petrifies me to do it, there are so many things that can go wrong. i worry about cutting myself, breaking things, falling, getting scolded and even getting criticism for bad work. i have also had a bad skin condition and im worried thats going to come back, and sticking my hands in soapy water worries me. washing up isnt a good thing for me. this isnt not something i want applauding for, its not something i want any plaudits for, yeh, i know, its just washing up, but i dont do much because of a lack of motivation. i see this as something i shouldnt go through again, i needed to wash up so i could cook and eat, but i cant put myself through it. im now worried that im going to avoid using anything that needs washing up so i dont have to do it again, or atleast leave less for anyone else to wash up.
other than this i havent been too bad, i ate an easter egg early which was good, i ate a lot fo chocolate. i also listened to kate bush on a documentary about her, it was good, the lyrics arent completely my cup of tea, but i understand completely why other people like them. the sound is awesome though. ive tried to be relaxed as possible. ive been trying to find things to do this weekend for someone on their own, there is nothing it seems. Norfolk doesnt seem to cater for people wanting to do things on their own but in a group, maybe they do, but no over easter, its all easter egg hunts. i think ill probably just go for a really long walk tomorrow. oh, i did manage to find someone to do something with on easter day. im going for a walk in the woods which should be good. it may not be as good as the beach but its a change of scenery.
ive also been giving my illness some thought, trying to think what music goes well with it (because of kate bush), what explains my illness and my struggles. i know there is loads of music out there that i will never hear, i dont necessarily listen to lyrics in music, i think this is why i like Muse so much, the wailing of Matt Bellamy’s voice sounds like a big emotional struggle, i also like anything dramatic, not heavy, not exciting, nothing party, but something powerful. Music is good.
right im off again, i definitely wont be writing anymore, its currently 9.15pm here so bed time is only around the corner.