Wow! the sun seems to be bright today. ive got a beautiful view out to sea, its just got warmer, and im out of the wind. its perfect for writing.
right, something has been bothering me the last few days. making up stories and scenarios in my head is one of the most annoying parts of my illness, one, because generally they are bad, and two, because i start to believe them. making stories up in my head is probably the main reason i struggle to sleep, and why i struggled last night. when youre laying in bed with nothing to do, all my head can do is play up, it ruminates on negative thoughts. now, i do make up some positive stories in my head but my brain chooses not to believe these, and for good reason. there is not a lot of positivity in this world, not compared to the negativity, so why should i believe something that statistically is less likely? it doesnt help that my brain likes to focus on the negativity in things anyway, something i loathe about it., this means that past memories dont have much positive in them. its not to say i dont have any positive memories, i dont really remember them though, i know i happened, but i dont have a single detail, and there is no emotion attached to the memory for that reason. as i said, making up scenarios is awful for me, something i need to get sorted somehow.
i realised i dont really write anything topical on here, nothing that really helps people, nothing that says much good or constructive for others, so i thought id give it a go.
please remember this is purely based on information i have gathered from myself, people around me, and discussions ive had with people who are suffering mental health problems.
this is to help those who want to talk about mental health to someone who has a mental illness……..
For those people who want to talk about mental health problems but feel they can’t almost always stay silent. To bridge the gap of wanting to talk and talking, in theory, is quite simple. Asking a sensible insightful question is fine, in fact its more than fine, it is probably what everyone who suffers wants people to do. Conversations I have had with people who suffer often have a regular theme, people tell them that they want to talk but don’t know what to say. To ask a question is amazing and I imagine anyone who suffers is happy to answer. If you’re worried that the question might upset the person, it might, but it will also make them happier in the long term. I am always happy to answer any question on mental health, whether it’s about how things make me feel, how a certain scenario can affect me, or even about medication. Any question that isn’t completely abhorrent is fine. Yes, there are some scenarios I’ve been in that have left me angry. I once mentioned my mental health to a co-worker and their response was to call me crazy, this is the sort of comment no-one should tolerate. If you think your comment or question will be helpful to you or the person you are asking then its fine, please don’t be worried of a bad response, you most likely won’t get one, but you will get an honest answer. I will also say this about talking to someone with mental health issues, they are much more worried about saying the wrong thing in response than you are of asking the question but are still more than happy to talk about the topic. Sufferers worry about every word that comes out of their mouth and the worry won’t stop after the conversation, in fact I know conversations I had over 15 years ago are still fresh in my mind, and I think about them all the time, and I think about how things could have been said differently. Someone with mental health problems is used to thinking this way though, it’s normal for them……………
i wouldn’t say this is for everyone, but like i said, it’s from information I’ve gathered over the years. i’ve written a lot more than this, but this is a bit.
P.S…..the weather got awful while writing this, so most of its actually don’t from the comfort of the sofa.
two pictures, one of two minutes before, the second is what i ran from!