I had my appointment with my psychiatric nurse today, it went well. He pointed out that I’ve been working positively to fix problems with my life, we talked about my walking, my writing (like this) and making sure I have something to break up my day in general. we talked about those things that I’ve written about, my scenarios and situations I create in my head which he called internal dialogue, it makes sense to call it this so that’s what i’ll call it in future. we also talked about my stupid worrying about not talking, but he referred this to the fact that i may have too much internal dialogue and can confuse it with actual conversation. I was also referred to a course where I can learn and talk about my story, learn about myself and others, perhaps learning from others at the same time. We talked about loads of stuff but we didn’t talk about medication and I was pleased with this.
Lastly we talked about learning about the brain, not just my own brain but how brains work in general, I like the thought of this you see, and one part of the brain has always intrigued me, the relation between schizophrenia and deja vu. i get it all the time, everyday i get it and sometimes it can last as long as five or six minutes (btw i’d love to know if other people get it as often as me) and it gets more frequent when I’m worse, especially if I’m about to have an episode (a couple of days before). this correlation interests me a lot because I get it a lot. Deja vu is now just a thing that happens that I pretty much ignore, I sort of just say ‘deja vu’ in my head and carry on with my day, only when its long periods do i start to really think about it a lot or it surprises me.
Other than my appointment i went for a walk this morning which was nice, a very different scenery to backdrop it as well. this was because I was walking some family dogs and had to go to a family members house and walk. I was walking around one of my favourite parts of where I live, a place called How Hill, its beautiful. i wasn’t walking alone either which was nice, its nice because sometimes walking on your own can be a bit of a grind, it can also look weird in certain places. I took a picture of How Hill and i’ll put it on here, it overlooks reed-beds and the lawned field at How Hill. you can even just see a windmill in the background.
I’m trying some punctuation i this blog post, something i don’t usually do. I always worry that if I go back to anywhere where I didn’t put punctuation I might read my writing and want to change it, so far so good. I’m off now to endure the rest of my day, but as far as my days go, this one’s been busy!