Momentum and motivation.

ive moved about a bit from yesterday morning. ive decided to keep my momentum going. sunday provided me with some motivation so ive decided to go and stay with some of my family. its proving good, ive currently got some food i made cooking in the oven. im making bread pudding, something ive never made before, ive made bread and butter pudding plenty of times but not bread pudding, i hope it tastes good!

i made sure i went for my walk today, i walked the dog and talked my companies ear off about my problems. i feel we did this equally though, but i dont feel like my ear was talked off, i could have listened for ages. some of the time jut having an ear to talk to helps loads, you manage to get to stress off your chest verbally, i find it helps let off some steam. i always like to question someones problems as well, i like it done about my own problems as well. i like it because it makes you ask your own questions from peoples questions. you start to think differently. i find it a lot more helpful then those people who just tell you to think differently, it never works and just frustrates me. in fact, are there people who, when they are told, think differently just because someone told them to? if there are i envy those people. anyway, walking is more than just putting your feet in front of each other, it can also be about collecting your thoughts, and if youre walking with someone it gives you an opportunity to talk about life, its therapy.

ive even been to the shops a couple of times while ive been here, not on my own, lets not get carried away, but i have had company which has been nice. i dont really worry as much here because there are less people out to get me here, i havent really upset too m any people around here. ive been eating a lot of food because i have been to the shops a couple of times, this is bad because im already overweight and need to lose some.

one of the things i did talk about today while out on my walk was the fact that im starting to get the help ive asked for for years. ive asked for family help for years and never got it. i think my family probably thought what they were doing was the right thing but to me it was nothing, i wasnt getting family support, i wasnt getting the company i needed, up until recently i felt incredibly alone and not just lonely. the difference is better, its given me the momentum to do something with my life, given me the motivation to get me up and about a bit more. i just need to make sure i use the motivation to my advantage. give me a little motivation and i can turn it into a lot, i just need the kick-start.

im off now, my pudding will be coming out of the oven soonish, and i want a cigarette before my dinner as well.


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