ive been for a lovely walk today, ive had a bath (TMI) and im just sitting relaxing. well i say relaxing, my mind is a bit fast today but i think its because of what i wrote earlier. im just fascinated by my own mind and others like it. i mean, why wouldnt i be transfixed with my mind, its a marvel in ways, yeh it gives me a lot of trouble but it works in such mysterious ways. i have come to accept what my mind is i understand what its doing, i, among others, dont know what on earth causes my mind to do what it does, but we know it does it and theres no stopping it at the moment. instead i just get annoyed at it, im allowed to do it because my mind is a pain in the arse as well. my mind is something i have to get along with.
i do sometimes wonder if the whole ‘you are not your illness’ quote is real for me. depression, anxiety, and other emotional disorders are not the person you are but instead something that is trouble alongside who you are. i wonder if schizophrenia is part of me, i wonder if its how my brain has been made, i wonder if its something i am, the way my body has designed itself. i dont know at the end of the day, but its something i think about. i will say ive used the above quote before, i even used it in a newpaper interview! i do believe theat the majority of mental illnesses arent who you are, i just wonder about mine sometimes.
anyway, my walk was nice, theres a lot of sky where im staying, its huge! i took a picture or two. i also got to walk with someone which was cool. it was foggy.
anyway, im off again and wont be back again tonight.