Life, out of my control.

last night bothered me. it was last night when i told someone (before i wrote it on here) that ive been struggling the last few days. i didnt like admitting it to someone but it was beginning to get a bit obvious. i was talking on this blog about the things that werent wrong with me but i wasnt talking about those things that were wrong with me. i think i was hoping it was just going to blow over but it didnt.

this morning i talked to someone about whats going on in my head, not any specifics, but just about why perhaps im feeling the way i am. i mentioned it last time that perhaps i havent had any change and thats a reason, i think it is the reason. at the moment im waiting on loads of things. im waiting for a letter through the post to determine what my near-term future is going to look like, im waiting to start volunteering, something i requested to do two months ago and am still waiting for. these two things are really important for me to progress myself. ive been trying to make things move in my life and now im having to wait for other people so that things can actually move forward, its doing my head in. im doing as much as i can really do right now to make sure im not taking a dive, but other things are making me stressed, other things are toying with my emotions, and other things are dictating my life. i again feel out of control of my life.

at these times i really wish i had a friend, i wish i had someone to take my mind off of things. i think i want a dog as well. ive spent some time around dogs recently and they are just the best friends, they are lovely, they are kind, and they are easy to get along with. you can talk to a dog about anything as well, theyll even listen, even though they are probably tilting their head thinking something exciting’s about to happen, still makes you laugh though. i love dogs, i just know i cant own one myself at the moment, this makes me sad. what i will say, going back to the beginning of this paragraph, i do have friends, i had rarely seen friends, its not their fault, and i did see a couple of them just the other day, it was lovely, i just would mind that everyday friend, that person who i can message on social media daily, the friend i can text and call, the person i can confide some stuff in. i dont have one of these friends, its miserable, it makes me feel lonely, it makes me feel unloved, and believe it or not, just one text from a friend a day can pick your whole day up, it has done in the past for me, i just wish i had that again.

im going to go now. i know my words are starting to get miserable again but i cant help how i feel, my words will reflect that.

bye.

One thought on “Life, out of my control.

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