so, ive been chatting these evening and it reminded me of something ive been thinking about recently. i thoughts id chat about them now.
again, recently i realised i dont ‘visualise’ things the same way others do. i found out that people can actually visualise their thoughts using their minds eye. i thought a minds eye was a made up thing, an expression when someone was talking about metaphorically seeing something in their mind, i never knew it was actually real. anyway, this got me thinking about my hallucinations. what if my hallucinations are just me seeing with my minds eye, what others do everyday. now, im not saying i just see it in my mind, i dont really know how it works, someone told me that they can visually see thoughts projected almost through their eyes into real life. the person that sold me this only explained it on flat surfaces, but im wondering if this is similar to my hallucinations. i can see my hallucinations in 3D, i dont just see it on a flat surface, i do see it like a real things though, indistinguishable from real and pretend. now, maybe because im not used to visualising thoughts this is just what im seeing, i dont know, just a little theory of my own though. does anyone else have any thoughts on this?
what i will say is that all this doesnt explain my voices, the voices i hear loud and clear coming from outside my head. now i have a lot of internal dialogue, so seperating voices inside and outside my head are easy.
man, my mind is odd, i wish i knew more about it. my EEG should hopefully shed some light on my mind, it might give me perhaps a couple of semi-answers that i would like. i would hate it if my EEG just came back saying everything was completely normal, that would be a disaster!
anyway, there has been some company at this house this evening which has been nice, it gave me time to think about things over than bad stuff. my brain did have a lot of internal dialogue beforehand, but during there was less, probably because i was actually talking a bit. i do like to talk, its a bad habit of mine nowadays. i spent so many years not talking that i probably am trying to make up for it when im around people now, i dunno.
anyway, im off now, probably off to think about how unusual my brain is before i get to sleep. fingers crossed i sleep well tonight.