So, i found out today that i didnt get the job that i was interviewed for yesterday. i wasnt sure how the interview went. i know i can think things went well and didnt, i know i dont always read a room well so i was skeptical of how it went. maybe i was too open and honest, maybe i didnt answer the questions right, maybe i just didnt give off a good vibe, i dont know. What i do know is, i need to bounce back. im thinking about it now, im thinking about what i did wrong. im blaming myself for it all. I know its easy for people to say things like ‘you did what you could’ and ‘well done for going’, but at the end of the day i didnt do as well as i could have, i would have the job if i had done as well as i could. do you know what, it is a good thing that i went, but this is failure, ive failed to do something properly. i know its ok to fail, but sometimes we take things hard, i know i do. i actually take a lot on the chin and find it hard to get up after. i need to bounce back otherwise this wont work for me. i need a motivation boost, a distraction. These are the times i wish i had friends close by so that i could go out for a drink, have a chat, ‘relax’ and calm down. alas i dont have this so i will have to just carry on.
Whats worse is that im on my own today, all day. people are busy today and cant hold my attention. i dont mind this but i do wish someone was there to take my mind off things. being alone when things like this happen isnt great. you are left to your own devices. lets face it, my devices dont work properly so its quite difficult for me. im just hoping that being alone doesnt turn into feeling completely alone. feeling completely alone sucks. feeling completely alone is when you can be around the most loving people and still feel like the only person in your life. well, thats how it feels for me. im debating whether to scrap the diet for the day today. i dont really have any bad food in the house which is annoying. i dont really feel like going out today which is bad and good. on the one hand i dont eat crap food today, on the other hand i dont have the motivation to go out and even get the crap food. chances are, if i had the motivation to go out to the shops today i wouldnt want to buy crap food. im stuck basically. oh well.
i know ive got to pick myself up, lets face it, no one who i talk to really does it for me. there are places where i get a bit of a pick me up, one of whom i contacted today hoping for a response. we’ll see. i dont blame them if they dont though. ive contacted other as well, but as i said, they are all busy today so they arent about to help me. i hate needing help in situations like this, it sucks.
anyway, im going to go now. the whole reason im writing on here is to give myself something to do. i mowed the lawn today and thats all. i think tomorrow i wont even have that to do so its going to be difficult. im going to be alone tomorrow as well. hmmmmm…………