do you ever just have those days where you just feel lost. im having one of these days. you wake up and immediately know that things arent right, youre not sure what to do with yourself, your mind is jumping from pillar to post, and you just cant make sense of anything. i woke up almost dizzy with thoughts and i couldnt figure anything out. everything was taking ages, it took me an age to get up, get dressed, even get out of my room. i felt like a complete mess not knowing what way was up or down.
i looked at my phone and saw good things but knew i couldnt deal with anything right then. i was so groggy yet my brain was in overdrive. my brain was dealing me crappy hands, dishing out a paranoid thought here and there, an anxious moment or two, and my inner dialogue was so loud. i couldnt cope and just decided to take an hour just to sit and almost come around from what felt like some sort of mental health hangover (something ive talked about before).
i gradually came around and tried to start my day. i knew i wasnt going for the walk i promised myself i would go on, instead i decided to reply to an email, eat something and try to talk to someone on the phone. i wasnt really with it for any of this, instead i just tried my best. after all this i decided i had to get in some sort of place where i could try and combat something and ended up going to the shop to buy some shopping. i bought haf the stuff i wanted to buy, i stood for about five minutes in front of oranges not knowing what to do, just standing there trying to understand where i was and why i was there, or just listening to the thoughts in my head take over. after this i decided enough was enough and just bought what i had in my basket and left. i got home and have just been almost zombified sitting here, struggling with my thoughts and struggling to get a grip on reality.
these days arent nice, and ive had a few of them recently which is worse. i think i need to talk to my therapist about them. i see him in just under a week, i can wait until then. in my the mean time i just need to take some time, recover, and start tomorrow a bit better. heres hoping.