20% battery.

the last few days have been down and then up. i was really struggling yesterday and the day before. i hit a low and wasnt happy about it. i was trying my hardest for the last couple of weeks, trying to maintain some level of composure. i did know it was only a matter of time before my health would get to me. in the the couple of hours i could see myself going downhill i let people know what was going on. i let people know that i needed them. i was panicking, on the edge of breaking down completely, and feeling something i only feel when im going to have a psychotic episode. i was lucky because one or two people helped me, maybe while not even knowing it. i was really struggling and was worried it was going to be long term. really i had only one thing i was hanging on to, i was going to my mum’s.

i am now at my mum’s, and i’m relaxing, taking some time to do things i really enjoy. ive cooked some of my family dinner this evening, ive spent time with the dog, and helped my mum on her allotment. ive been doing things to keep myself occupied, and doing things that help me calm down.

in previous posts i was talking about my batteries running out. i was talking about how i was low on energy and that i was struggling to cope. my batteries over the last day have been recharging slowly. its something i hoped would happen while i was here. i needed a change of scenery and i needed some company, ive got both of these things and its helping.

i want to thank that one person i always look forward to hearing from. this person helps me just by chatting and talking about our days. this has kept me on track and given me the friend i needed, especially in the last couple of days.

im a bit worried about monday. ill be back home and on my own. im worried ill struggle to maintain a good level of mental health. however, i have got plans. im planning to call up someone to start volunteering, and ill be volunteering at the end of the week anyway. im going to do another beach clean at a beach i havent been to since i was a child. so, i can look forward to that all week.

im going to go now. got a barbecue tomorrow where ill be cooking up some treats, going to walk the dog, and watch the royal wedding.



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