I haven’t written on here for a few months now, so I thought I’d get back to it.
Things have been odd since I was last here. I was going through a really bad spell, nothing was going right and I was going through things I really didn’t need to go through. I had a disaster of a holiday, ruining it for the other people I was with. I felt awful because of this, I apologised, but it seems I did too much damage for some people to forgive me. Maybe that’s not my problem but rather theirs. I just can’t help but feel I was and am the problem. So the holiday was a nightmare, I was in a bad place and it showed. Things started to change after this…
My therapist decided I needed a meds review because he had no idea I wasn’t on antidepressants. Ridiculous that the person who helps me didn’t know this, but he got to work on it. I had my meds review and now I’m on antidepressants. It was probably only a week and a half before me and others I talk to realised they were working. I wasn’t waking up having panic attacks, I wasn’t getting frustrated at everything. I even woke up feeling refreshed most of the time, so the usual grumpy, shitty, morning me wasn’t about! Thank god these meds are working.
The real test for my meds was the weekend just past. I was away with my dad. Now, my dad can push my buttons a lot so time with him is a struggle sometimes. I was also around a lot of other people, some who I get on with, some that aren’t my cup of tea. It was all OK though. Sure some people frustrated me, I mean, why question everything I say and laugh when it’s not what you would do, why am I even going to listen to you when you’re just a nobody to me?! I just really appreciate those who talk sense and have good things to say, some of whom carried me through this last weekend. Anyway, I was camping, went barn dancing, played a quiz, and watched cars race drunk a lot and was merry (perhaps not the morning after). My meds worked.
I’ve been dieting still, I’ve officially lost over 5 stone (around 33kg) and now my aim is to get fitter. I’ve started jogging at the beach (and if you read my blog you’ll know how much I love the beach) and I’m trying out some other exercises as well. My aim is to run 3miles by Christmas, just in time to run off Christmas Dinner!
I’m going to go now. I’ll try not to be a stranger so I’ll keep up with my blog.