My ladder.

Seven weeks ago I was stuck in a pit of depression, psychosis, and down-right awfulness. I could see no way of climbing out of this hole myself, and I couldn’t fathom the idea of someone, or something, helping me out.

Seven weeks ago I started taking a new medication for my mental health. It was after my therapist discovered I wasn’t taking any anti-depressants. Why he didn’t know, I don’t know, but alas this was the case. I had a medical review which, obviously, determined i needed a change of medication. I started taking my new meds after what can only be described as, an awful holiday for me. I mean, this holiday couldn’t have gone much worse. I started self harming, having suicidal thoughts, and I managed to separate myself from everyone else who was there with me. Anyway, I digress. I started taking these new meds, and after a short while a couple of people close to me realised that they were working. To be fair to myself, I noticed they were working too. I was very cautious about this sudden change in my mood. This sudden change in my thoughts. The conversation of my meds perhaps working came up in conversation. I was quick to shut them down with phrases such as “I don’t want to talk about it yet” and “you just don’t know”. I had another short amount of time away planned with a family member. I was unsure whether or not I’d be able to go, using the holiday I had just been on as a judgement for my mental health. I made a decision with this family member, “A week before we go away we need to have a conversation about whether or not I’m fit enough to go”. Anyway, the week arrived, i bought up the conversation of my mental health, and it was all positive. This was the first time i actually spoke of my new meds working. i hadn’t had any side effects, my mood had leveled out somewhere pretty good, and my psychosis had all but disappeared. Things were looking good. I went away, had a great time with great people, and came back in even better spirits than when i left. Things were starting to really move in the right direction for me.

I’ve always believed, that when I get even a little bit of help when it comes to my mental health, in this case, a slight change to my medication, it creates a ladder effect. My medication helping me gave me the first steps on my ladder, which gave me the good mental health to go away, spend time with lovely people, relaxing, and giving myself a proper break. This gave me the next steps on the ladder. And now, as I’ve spoken of in my previous posts, I’ve been exercising, which has been some kind of bomb of wellbeing in my mind. This has given me the last steps I need on my ladder. I now have The ladder to get me out of my pit of depression, psychosis, and down-right awfulness, all because of a simple change in my life.

If you’re reading this, and you’re in your own pit, I hope you find a way to create a ladder out. It can happen, because even when i didn’t think it was possible, it was. It can come from one small change.

I cant wait to see where the next few months takes me. I have a future.


ladder wood blackandwhite old
Photo by Khimish Sharma on

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