I’ve had many situations in the last twelve months where I’ve somehow managed to segregate myself from any social life that I had. Last September my mood changed, worsened, and caused me a lot of problems. I lost friends due to conflict, I marginalised myself from a lot of my family, and as a result lost the life I had. Even though its caused me a lot of hardship, some of this was important to follow through with. I was being treated unfairly by some, being used to satisfy someones needs, and in one case one person even stole from me. It’s OK that i let this go, let it fall away from me, and I’ve barely given it thought in the last six months. I have however focused on the negativity that I’ve caused, probably causing my mood to dip further, even when it was probably unnecessary to give it a second thought. As a result I have managed to shut myself away. i’m now scared to share my opinion on anything just in case it causes further conflict in my life. I feel that I need to keep my mouth shut so I don’t spoil anything. I then become someone that just sits there, not talking to anyone, avoiding possible conflict, and isolating myself from the real world. But things are a little different now. I’m a little different now.
So I’ve mentioned recently that things have started looking up. The new concoction of meds I’ve been taking have started working. I’ve started to focus on myself, my health and fitness. All of this has lifted my character, allowing me to talk a little more, and more importantly, talk a little more about subjects other than my mental health. I have been told I talk about my mental health too much, annoying people with the same old story of how I didn’t feel great, that nothing was going right for me, and that I was in a constant battle with my mind. All of this feels true, even after I’ve come out of my slump, but people don’t always have to hear about it. Anyway, as per usual I’ve gone off on some other trail of thought. Just recently I feel I’ve had something to talk about. Not only this, but I’ve also been more interested in other peoples lives. I mean I’ve always been interested in the lives of people close to me, but I can listen to other people talk about their lives without feeling despair at my own life. I feel like, as my character has improved, I’ve become more acceptable to people. I’ve become more of a normal person…. more like someone who could fit in.
I’m going to try and make the most of my new found acceptable behaviour. I’m going to use this new super-power of “character” to try and create myself a social life. I’ve decided to go to a volunteer beach clean group on Sunday. I’ve done beach cleans before, but not while I’ve had the ability to talk to others properly. I’ll see where Sunday takes me. maybe I can spark up some conversations, giving me someone new (and just someone!) to talk to for the first time in a year. I’ve also decided to go to a specific group for talking. there’s a meet-up in my local city that i’m thinking of going to. I’m hoping to go, talk to some new faces, and give me something to do. give me some sort of social life. I’m hoping, as I create these new paths in my life, i’ll give myself a foundation for a new social life. I’ve been wanting a social life for ages now, i just think i’m now ready to actually put myself in these situations without causing myself problems.