The last few days have been interesting for me. They’ve made me think about a few things, made me re-evaluate some of the thoughts I’ve been having, and some of the goals I need to create for myself.
For the first time in just under a year I’ve been out somewhere unfamiliar, talking to people I had never met before. I went to a cafe with the specific intention of these things in mind. They were having a meet-up so people could chat over a cup of coffee. I was really nervous, and this was less to do with meeting and talking to new people, but rather what the situation was going to do to my mental health. would I have a panic attack? Even worse, would I have a psychotic episode?
Luckily for me my mental illness didn’t rear its head. I talked, had a laugh, got to know a little bit about a couple of people, and really just had a good time. I’m so pleased I went ahead with it, not only because of the things i mentioned, but because I came away from it knowing i had achieved something. I had put myself in an uncomfortable situation, the unknown, and I came out better for it. As a result of all this I got invited along to something else this weekend! If these sorts of goals are going so well, why am I not aiming a little higher?
A week of two ago I applied for a job. I didn’t tell many people about it because it was sort of a one off thing for now. I didn’t expect much from it, and that’s a good thing because I didn’t get an interview. what I did get was something else. I got the chance to think about my goals. Now, i’m doing a few things in my life at the moment. I’m giving up smoking, i’m losing weight, and i’m starting to do more exercise. These things all have goals. My goals are to stay off the cigarettes, lose enough weight so that i’m happy with my body, and the same goal for the exercise, along with mini goals like how far I can jog and what weights I can lift. Anyway, one thing I’ve been thinking about is work. I haven’t worked in just short of four years and think I need a new goal for working. I would like a job, and the fact I haven’t worked for nearly four years means I probably can’t be too picky about the first possibilities of work. A few months ago I would have seen myself applying for a job as an achievement, but not now. My achievement now needs to be getting a job, getting income. Once I get an income there are so many different opportunities for me. There are so many more different goals I can set myself. I would love to be independent again. I would love to live on my own, deciding what the next steps of my life are, rather than sitting here wondering if my life will ever change. I need to make things change.
I think I’ve decided that I want a job by new year. This gives me a few months to find a job. It also gives me enough time to actually apply for enough jobs so that one employer might take me on.
For once in my adult life my mental health isn’t running the show. My mental health is in a good place, a place where I can manage it, and my life. It’s in a place where I can seriously consider work.
My goals have been re-evaluated. The goals I’ve created for myself are going really well at the moment, I think the time for creating larger, more ambitious goals is here. It’s time I start creating my future.
P.S My quitting smoking is going really well. So far i’m eleven days without a cigarette, and it’s not as hard as I thought it would be.