In my life I’ve been through a lot of lows. There aren’t always reasons for these lows, they just arrive, sometimes with a bang, and sometimes, like this time, they arrive slowly. Now i’m not at any sort of lowest of lows but i’m at a stage where its really not great. With my schizoaffective disorder, I struggle with emotional side of things and then I also suffer with the psychotic side of things, but there is one part of my illness I can never put in one of other of these categories………paranoia. Paranoia seems to pop up in my life an awful lot. It’s the thing is suffer with the most, and it’s starting to affect me a little more than usual. I think I’ve spotted this early, so I think it’s something I can work on. Luckily I had already made some plans a few days ago. I made plans for October. I stated in my previous blog post that I suffer more in October than any other month. All I think is that this time of the year has arrived early for me. To be honest, it’s actually what i’m hoping has happened. Now i’m putting my October plan into action.
People are important in this time of need, so I’ve gone for a couple of days away. A change of scenery to help me take my mind off, well, my mind. I’ve also started telling people that i’m heading slightly downhill. Maybe I should tell people that I think October has arrived early for me. The people i’ll tell will know that October is bad for me, they’ll know what i go through, so they can be prepared. hopefully all my talk about how to help will have sunk in, hopefully I can rely on others slightly more than normal. I really hope people don’t giving me a little bit more support. I mean, i’m not going to be completely leaning on others. I can hold myself up. I’m strong right now.
My plan is to carry on with life is normally as possible. There are some plans I really can’t afford to delay. I’ve found something really exciting to do, something I’ve wanted to do since I was little. I’m not going to say anything else about it on here because I sort of want to keep it to myself. its my thing that I want me to focus on, without the pressure of lots of other people knowing. My diet is taking a bit of a hit but I want to keep on top of that as much as possible. I’ve also got to keep up with fitness. I’m going to keep running, perhaps not as much as usual, but i’ll really give it as much of a go as possible. There are some upcoming dates that I cant avoid, but to be honest it might be a good thing that i’m struggle a little more than usual in that case.
All I need to do is get through the next month or so, then i’ll be on course for Christmas. Oh yeah, i’m going to make Christmas stuff while i’m not doing great. It’ll give me something to do, and it’ll help me with some recovery.
I’m thankful for what I have, and i’m thankful for the strength I’ve got right now. Here’s hoping it’s not just a bigger fall than usual.