I wanted to start this by trying to tell you I don’t communicate information very well, so I thought i’d just blurt it out like I’ve just done.
My blog really helps me say stuff. It really helps me get a bit of something out into the world. I have a couple of people I talk to about most stuff, but I don’t tell them everything, and sometimes those two people have to take on board more than they can from a single person. I understand i’m a lot to take. I understand that I may say things that aren’t perhaps right for that person to hear as well. This poses a problem with those people that I talk to. This means I need a friend to talk to rather than family. I don’t have any friends that I can open up to, and I can’t even start to open up to someone about certain things unless it happens to me first. My life is full of stupid hurdles. Stupid little hurdles that shouldn’t be there but I have created in my mind. I think opening up should be easier to a friend, easier than I find it. There shouldn’t be a hurdle that stops me from talking about personal things. There are things I want to say that I wouldn’t dream of writing on here. There are things I want to tell anyone but haven’t told a single person, not even my therapist. Not even my closest relatives. But do you know what…… Close friends, I think, you can tell anything. I guess this all boils down to friendship. I go months without seeing a friend. I miss having friends around me. I don’t miss the friends I had, but I miss the company. I miss the closeness. I miss the intimacy you have with friends that you don’t get with family. But there you go…….social hurdles getting in the way. I think if I could open up with the friends I already have things would be a lot easier. i’m just scared.
I can’t even remember where i started this post. Let me go have a look…………Talking intimately. I don’t think I have anything left to say on that matter, not for now anyway.