Support, Not Suicide. I’m Very Lucky.

Luck isn’t something I have a lot of. I wouldn’t consider myself a lucky person, in fact I would consider myself quite an unlucky person. I would however say I’ve been lucky this October. In previous years Octobers have been a horrid time. I first told someone about my Mental health issues in October 10 years ago. I remember having my first serious visual hallucinations in October when I was 21. I have had my worst suicidal thoughts and tendencies in Octobers past. One year I was driven to the beach in the most distress I’ve ever been in, standing in the sea thinking about just walking and walking and then taking a deep breath. The year I walked into the sea someone came to my aid, and when I came close in the years after I managed to seek help, or help found me. So why am I lucky this October?

I’ve had so much support this October. My family have really helped me. They’ve been at the end of the phone every time I called, sometimes for the third time in a day to a single person. I’ve had really good support at home, and what I would call a great understanding of what I need when I’m having a difficult time. I’ve had a friend helping me every day. They have kept me calm, collected, and composed just by chatting with me. they have just been there and that has really helped me. Sure, I wobbled a bit, and sure I used a couple of negative solutions to help myself, but do you know what……. everything I’ve done and what people have done for me has really worked. I’m lucky to have people fighting my fight beside me, and I’m thankful for those people who have made things easier than all the previous Octobers in the last 10 years. Now The past month is over, I’m hoping it’s a little more plain sailing to Christmas and the new year.

I’ve set myself a lot of goals this year and I’ve achieved nearly all of them. The only goals I haven’t achieved have been the ones set last month. I wanted to keep up with these goals but was happy to see them go by the wayside for a little while to see myself through. Now the time has come to set these goals again. I just need to clean up a few parts of my life and get myself back on track.

I’ve decided I’m going to try a couple of “reset” days. I’m calling them “reset” days because these are the couple of days I’ll need to try and “reset” the parts of my life that need cleaning up and starting again. Firstly I need to sort out what I’m eating because I’ve been binge eating the last couple of weeks. I had about one good week and then just relapsed back into eating bad food again. In these couple of reset days I’m going to focus on bringing my diet back into line, moving back towards better eating.

I also need to start jogging again. My plan is to get up the energy in this couple of days to go for a run at the woods. I’ve been doing really well (for me) with my running. I had good momentum and then lost it towards the end of September. There’s no surprise that I lost momentum at this time, it’s the time of the year where I struggle. I’m going to go for a jog through the woods tomorrow. It wont matter if I stop, and it wont matter if i don’t hit the goals I gave myself a month and a half ago. All that matters is that I’m out there doing it again. I can always build momentum up again. I took the below picture one of the last times i went for a run. i really like it.

woody sun.


There’s one thing I have stuck by for over 2 months now, and this is quitting smoking. There have been times I’ve really wanted to smoke but have thought better of it. I could have bought fags many times but decided it wasn’t worth it. I’m so pleased I’ve stuck to this goal and I know I’m going to treat myself at some point, perhaps in the new year, because I really think this is a huge achievement for me, especially as I stopped so close to October. I feel like that was a brave thing for me to do, and I have hopefully got through the worst. I said to myself, and others, if I get through October and all I’ve done is stayed off the cigarettes, I’ve succeeded on any goals I set myself.

Not only was I lucky in October, October was a success.



One thought on “Support, Not Suicide. I’m Very Lucky.

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