So for the last few days I’ve been telling myself its okay to be a bit lost. I’ve been losing sight of the direction my life is going in and its a bit annoying. I’m getting caught up in the wildness of my mind telling me that things aren’t going to plan, that i’m a failure, and that I won’t amount to anything. Today was different. This bad stuff had solved itself. I woke up fresh, looking at my future, and looking at what i’m doing to progress my life. Sure, some things I wish were different right away, I mean, I could do with a little more friendship in my life (I currently have no friends that i see………at all, and this has been the case for the last few months) but hopefully that will come with time. I’m making progress. I don’t know if its just me who gets this sudden change in mind, or whether it’s others as well. interesting. I hope its others because its like my problems just went away and its a nice feeling. I just need to figure out how to control this trick, then all my problems will be solved!
I’ve been thinking about the end of the year a lot today, and not just today. a few weeks ago i was thinking about where i want to be within the next year. i know, pretty dangerous thinking. a lot can happen in a year and im counting on it! I’ve been thinking about Scotland a lot. I’ve been up there a few times now and i feel like its calling me back. I’m not sure if i want to go and visit or whether i want to go and find a life somewhere north of the border. I love Scotland and think a part of me belongs there, i’m just not sure how much of me belongs there. perhaps a visit will make my mind up.
for some reason I’ve had a problem remembering my medication just recently. This is highly unlike me and I don’t know why i’m doing such a thing, but it needs to stop. I haven’t felt the effects of not taking my anti-psychotic a few times, which I usually feel after a couple of days. The first signs that it has affected me is when I start to get really paranoid, usually about the postie. At this point I quickly figure out I haven’t taken my meds and quickly get back on it. I guess I’ve just been a bit forgetful. Maybe this relates to feeling a little lost over the last few days. I dunno.
something I’ve been addressing in my head lately is blog related. Now I follow other blogs where I know people spend good amounts of time coming up with their content, I don’t do this and I feel a little like a fraud because of it. I have to tell myself that I just blog differently. I just have some stuff on my mind that I want to say sometimes, and I use my blog space to say these things. I hope this is alright. I don’t want validation but I do want my mind to rest up on these thoughts. Hopefully writing this down will help me. I hope you dont mind listening to me ramble on, I enjoy talking to you guys, you’re good company.
anyway, I better go and get on with life. I’ve got a busy day tomorrow, full of learning, progress and direction.