I feel like this is almost like the start of a new year. I’ve had my holiday, now I need to look at achieving some new goals in my life. I suppose these are sort of like new years resolutions. This time last year I gave up smoking, and in turn, stopped self-harming, so I’ve started a new year at this time before. I suppose I’ve got two plans for the next twelve months, both realistic and achievable.
something I’ve already started doing that is now a long term goal, which has already had a positive impact on me, is exercising. While I was away I was tasked to lose a certain amount of weight within a year. now i’m not one for believing we should be stuck to specific numbers when it comes to weight, and any weight is fine if you’re happy with your weight, but this gives me an opportunity to focus on some numbers as targets, namely how much I exercise. So if i start to look at exercise as the main goal the weight will follow. Secretly i’m sorta looking forward to seeing some muscles on my body, I know it’ll make me feel good. All of this exercise has also improved my mental well-being. I feel good. I look forward to giving my body a hard time, as it really does end up getting the mental juices flowing, releasing those good feeling endorphins! I know, I know, exercise doesn’t work for everyone but it seems to work for me at the moment, so while it carries on making me feel good, i’ll keep on running, cycling, and working out.
secondly, I want to get a job. This has been something that I’ve been looking towards for a while now. I haven’t thought I was ready, and getting a job was almost sprung on me earlier this year. Now i think i’m pretty much ready. I think i’ll be rusty at looking, rusty in interviews, and probably rusty when I start working, but I’ve got to start some time. This is one area where I feel i’m not qualified for anything. I’ve not worked for nearly five years now, and in those five years I know I haven’t been able to work and I feel like I’ve just lost all of my experience. Im also worried about getting a job and disclosing I have a mental illness. I feel like I wont make it very far.
I also want to get a job that doesn’t interfere with a couple of things in my life. Firstly, and most importantly I don’t want it to conflict with my volunteering. I love my volunteering and it’s a huge part of my life. I feel like i’m achieving something huge every time I do a shift, and I cant just say goodbye to this for something i’m probably not going to be as passionate doing. Also, while i’m in the groove I don’t want my work to interfere with my exercising. Now, I know I can work exercise around a job but I know I cant take too much on in my life. I get overwhelmed quite quickly. Dealing with exercise, volunteering and schizophrenia is a lot to juggle for me. Looking after myself and making sure my illness doesn’t get the better of me is a full time job, not one I want, but alas I am stuck with it. I guess I need a part time job, something easy or something I love, then I can focus on looking after myself as well.
So there you go…. my new years resolutions at the beginning of September. A weird time to make these resolutions, but its a good time for me.