i got somewhere a little further with my volunteering today. i got a call back from the person i called yesterday (and called today) and they said i can volunteer with them but i will have to wait until next week to find out exactly when and where, but im ok with that, its a … Continue reading Project 84, Hollyoaks (again), and motivation.
Right, the UK soap 'Hollyoaks' is running a storyline about schizoaffective disorder which will start just after easter and im not sure whether i should watch it or not. whenever an illness similar to the one i suffer from (or in this case the actual one) is portrayed on tv i get quite emotional and … Continue reading Hollyoaks and schizo-affective disorder.
I try and grab onto all the positivity I see but sometimes it's hard for me to see. I see negativity in everything, I even see negativity that perhaps isn't even there. My mind will go through every single scenario, it will jump to the bad conclusions first, all of them. When I am hit … Continue reading Life at the thud end. I know the pit has a bottom, it’s a long way down.
I'm sitting here thinking about the week ahead, and I'm dreading it. I'm going to be alone pretty much all week which isn't good. I don't know how I'm going to cope with it. I know I'm going to be lonely, and thats always bad. Loneliness pretty much always leads to depression for me. As for … Continue reading Uncle Ness!
im not having a grat day today. im so tired since ive started taking more medication. just trying to get up and motivate myself is really difficult. so im yawning away whilst typing this. my thyoguhts have been racing today as well. ive tried pre occupying my mind with phone calls to people, but i … Continue reading un-……..something.
ive spent the last twenty-four hours at my sister and brother-inlaw's house. I needed to get away sort of. I was going to be alone today if I stayed at home, so I decided to get J to pick me up. pretty much as son as I got in his car I felt better. not … Continue reading No plans right at this moment.
last night was one of my most diffcult ive had in years. with my last bit of energy i managed to call my granny to try and help me. well, i ended up going to hospital in the back of an ambulance. my thoughts were the darkest ive seen since i last attempted suicide. ihad … Continue reading Suicide. thats right, i said it. please take this seriously.
right. my sleep is messed up right now. well, i say messed up........im sleeping far too much. today i got up at 12.45pm after going to sleep at about 11pm the night before. so, nearly 14 hours sleep. do you know what?! im still knackered. i couold sleep all thetime at the moment. i really … Continue reading Lack of energy.
YAWN! trying to ignore my brother while starting this. baked some cakes today, which was ok. just trying to keep my mind focused. i dont quite know what im going to write on this blog. i suppose i have got one question for those who read my blog. if you want to, can you tell … Continue reading well…….what do you think?
what are my worries at the moment? my biggest worry (and sorry if you read this) is that my heavily pregnant sister is going to have a still born child. i dont know why, im just worried its going to happen. i can see more heartache from this pregnancy than there has been. i did … Continue reading Today’s problems.